Born August 25, 2009 at Sage Femme Birth Center in San Francisco, CA
Many people have asked me how, and more importantly why, I chose to do a natural childbirth. The answer is simple: the San Francisco hills. Living in San Francisco for the last two and a half years, I’m no stranger to the steep, almost unmanageable hills this city is known for. In fact, the apartment we live in now sits atop a nice, long hill high above Golden Gate Park. Essentially, this meant that at some point of every day during my pregnancy I would walk, waddle, and occasionally be pushed up at least one hill – huffing and puffing the whole way. As I made it to the top each time, I couldn’t help but equate these small, yet painful, “feats” to the pending day of birth. I would think to myself, “If I can push through these small bouts of pain, I can push through the pain of birth – one step at a time.”
So, there we were – August 24th – a regular Monday morning at 5:30AM when I woke up for the seventh time to use the bathroom and felt “it.” The “it” that you think about for nine months straight, wondering and dreaming about what it will feel like and if it will ever happen. My water broke all over our bed…and our hardwood floor when I stood up to make certain it happened. I leaned over and whispered loudly to Micah, “Mister, either I just peed my pants or my water just broke.” He replied with an excited and nervous, “Really? Are you sure?!” The rest of the day was spent going to breakfast at The Grind café in our neighborhood, doing laundry at the local mat, and relaxing on the couch watching The Office – all the while waiting anxiously for something – ANYTHING to happen. And it did not. I was clearly not in labor yet. At one point I was going to the bathroom and had the world’s tiniest contraction. I looked down into the toilet, looked up at Micah in the next room and said with a look of disappointment on my face, “Nope, no baby yet.” Later in the day, we decided to call our midwife, Judy, and she told us everything was fine and we just needed to wait to see what happens tomorrow. Micah and I had a great day and we went to bed that night unsure and confused but still really excited.
The next morning, Tuesday, August 25 was the day. The day I would climb the biggest, baddest, steepest hill of my life. I woke up around 6:30 AM with a little bit of cramping and mild contractions, but I was just relieved to be having a contraction. However, looking back, I would barely count these mere discomforts as legitimate contractions. Anyway, Micah and I went to see Judy around 1:30 PM for a midwife appointment I already had scheduled. I was barely in labor with minor pain in my back every 30-45 minutes. She told us we basically had two options: we could wait and just see if my body naturally went into labor or we could encourage it with natural remedies. But, we had approximately 16 hours to do it because if I wasn’t in labor within 48 hours after my water broke, I would have to be induced at the hospital and not give birth at the birth center. So, we chose the natural encouragements.
We left the birth center with our game faces on. We were determined to be in labor and have this baby today – at the birth center. So, we went home and Micah made me tea with these stellar natural herbs while I used a breast pump. And, that was it. Literally, within one hour I was in very active labor. Meaning – I was having painful, knock you upside the head, contractions every 7-10 minutes. Every single contraction I had during the birth was smack-dab in the middle of my back. To this day I have no clue what a stomach contraction feels like. As the contractions grew stronger, so did Micah. He was the behind-the-scenes champion of this story. He was my doula, my doctor, my friend, and of course my husband from beginning to end. Somehow he was able to be in seven different places at once. My memory of him in the moments leading up to the birth is truly hilarious. It’s a montage of blurred versions of him running up and down the stairs to our apartment and in and out of every bedroom, all while still being at my side when I would have died without him. For that, plus a million other reasons, I’m so thankful he is mine.
The back pain was so intense that I would drop to my knees every single time a contraction came. They were just like waves. The contractions would slowly come on and I would feel them begin to build and grow stronger and stronger until I would go to my knees and find a place in my mind to accept it– a very deep and hidden place I likely won’t find again – except perhaps the next time I’m in labor. I labored with my knees on the floor next to our bed, as well as on our futon in the baby’s room. I chose the side of the bed because I could shove my face into the mattress and muster strength by yelling “over” the pain. I chose the futon in the nursery because I found solace and encouragement from staring at the baby crib between contractions. Micah somehow managed to do a million things during all of this. He was taking notes of my progression, packing up the car, getting things ready, calling our friends and family – all the while making certain he was at my side for every single contraction. Actually, he was at my back. He would apply counter pressure on my back because it was a small but absolutely necessary relief from the pain. In all of the commotion of doing literally everything, Micah never missed one single contraction, even when they were 1-2 minutes apart. He was my saving grace.
After about four hours of this, we made our way to the car to head to the birth center. It’s almost humorous to think back on this part. The car ride was a major oversight in laboring at home. It hung over my head like a dark cloud and finally, I had to do it. I had to find the strength to get off my knees, make it to the car and endure the intensifying pain for the 10-minute ride. At that moment, I honestly didn’t know if I would make it. With my head on the floorboard of the backseat and my butt touching the ceiling of the car, Micah pushed on my back while driving and calling our families. It was a sight to see, I’m sure.
As we arrived at the birth center, Judy, our midwife, met me at the door while Micah parked the car. She held me tightly while I had another contraction. Her calmness and sense of confidence transformed me immediately. I felt safe, replenished and ready to finish climbing this mountain.
I was seven centimeters dilated and 100 percent effaced. Which, for anyone who has had a baby, means you’re getting close! It was the most relieving news I’ve ever received in my life. I thought for sure I was going to be laboring for hours. Instead, Judy looks me in the eyes and says, “Denise, this baby is coming like a bat out of hell.” She was right, indeed.
Two hours later, after laboring on the floor with three of the most wonderful women on this planet by my side, Judy watching over us all like a wise sage, and my mighty husband whispering words of encouragement in my ear, I suddenly felt a very distinct urge to push this baby out. One of the memories I will not soon forget from that night, is the beautiful – and almost primal – chorus of all six of us in that small, dark birth room groaning together as one, through each of my contractions. Each of their jobs was important and unforgettable. Jessica was at my side making sure I drank fluids and rubbing my head with a cool towel, Aurora kept me going with inspiring words and Alison allowed me to squeeze her hands tighter than anyone should ever be allowed.
Finally, the moment was here. I looked over at Judy and asked her simply, “When will I be ready to push?” And, in typical midwife fashion, she replied, “You will tell us.” In that moment, I knew with 100 percent certainty that I was ready.
I welcomed this new phase of labor with open arms – anything but contractions sounded heavenly. Judy became much more involved at this point with Micah right next to her. I sat completely naked on what’s called a “birth stool” grasping onto a woman I’d just met that evening sitting behind me.
And, after 23 minutes of pushing like I never thought possible, Judy declared her final words of advice – “Keep your head in the game, Denise.” That I did. Seconds later, at 11:13 PM to be exact, Micah caught our beautiful baby boy. With his umbilical cord wrapped diagonally across his chest, resembling that of a Gladiator, Maximus Eli Day entered this world. And ours changed forever.
“I went up to the mountain. Because you asked me to.” – Patty Griffin
