Rowan Sebastian Aleister Kunning born at 3:41 PM 01/30/10

So Baby Rowan was born on Saturday, January 30th (the full Wolf Moon) at 3:41 PM at SF General Hospital. Nothing about this birth was according to our plan, but it turned OK anyway.

Our plan was to birth in a birthing center in SF (Sage Femme) and if we had an emergency, we would go to UCSF (because of our private insurance). Anyone following my pregnancy knew it was rife with medical "issues" that caused stress but never materialized into actual problems after all. First, at 19 weeks, an ultrasound indicated a "complete placenta previa" meaning I could kiss my VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) goodbye unless it rectified itself. And the doctor assured my midwife that because of the placenta's positioning, it would not fix itself.

So, my partner and I called upon our spiritual community for prayer and magick to move that placenta. We envisioned it moving up and back along with hundreds of others all over the world. We had our second ultrasound about 6 weeks later and lo! Completely out of the way, paving the way for a VBAC!

Then came the "low amniotic fluid" scare. My third ultrasound indicated very few "deep pockets" of AF, which could be a problem that means the placenta isn't doing its job, and could harm the baby. Now, all throughout my pregnancy, it should be noted that my midwife was on me for not staying hydrated enough. My bladder being the size of a walnut and having to get up hourly (I shit you not) to pee (even from a sound sleep) was unbearable after a while. So I was simply not drinking enough. Plus, the last ultrasound indicated that fluid was indeed flowing quite nicely from the placenta and it was healthy. I saw this new extra test as another freaking medically-imposed burden, as the baby was healthy and moving and all my test results were good.

They did the AFI test and said I was low but fine. Since it was low though, they recommended getting at least one more before my due date. I did not follow that advice. I got one after I was a week overdue, as is customary. In fact, the day I went in for the test, I had started laboring, and my contractions were 15 minutes apart during the testing. The labor had been triggered by my MW's pelvic exam the day before, which indicated that my cervix was soft and fully effaced, and I was at 2 cm already.

Shockingly, the AFI test this time indicated NO fluid at all. None. Now this was a problem. I was advised (lobbied hard, actually, by 4 nurses and 2 doctors) to stay at UCSF that day and get an induction right then and there. I was not prepared to do that. I had a million loose ends to clear up before having a baby! My animals needed to go to caregivers, I had student loans to pick up to pay my rent, blah blah blah.

So I checked out "against medical advice" and told them that if my labor had not kicked in by tomorrow naturally, I would come back for the induction they were so trigger-happy for. Sigh. An induced labor in a hospital was looking more and more likely, and one intervention often leads to another, causing a cascade of treatments ending in C-section. I was nervous about that.

Back at home, after a day of errand running, the contractions stepped up quite a bit. At 3 AM, they were more painful than the prodromal labor I had experienced the week before (I had 4 days of "early labor" that never progressed the week before). And these newer, more painful contractions got much closer together.

Still, my MW was unconvinced over the phone that I should come into the birth center. Since I had never labored before in actuality (my previous C-section followed a several hour induction that did not work- I never dilated at all), this birth was going to be more like a first birth- and could be days at this level of labor. I was probably better off going to the hospital, she indicated- getting pitocin to get a baby out that may be in danger. I was crushed. I wanted a chance to labor in a non pathology environment, ya know?

Judi, my MW could tell I was upset by this pronouncement. After a few minutes, she called back and said- "How about you come in to the birth center around 2 PM, and I'll examine you. If you are far enough along, we can try to birth at Sage Femme- but we really do need the labor to begin in earnest today- for the baby's sake. No amniotic fluid is dangerous. If you are not progressed, you can head over to UCSF."

I was thrilled just to get the chance. I knew (don't ask me how- I just did) that I would be dilated to at least 4 cm when she examined me. In fact, I was at 5 cm. Now Judi was prepared to take the labor seriously! She started to monitor the baby during contractions and was immediately dismayed. His heartbeat was dropping way too low (70 BPM) during contractions to be safe for him. He needed out of me, and fast! An ambulance was called, sending me into a hospital panic.

The paramedics insisted that I go to SF General instead of UCSF, as it was closer, and this was a real emergency. So I wound up in a hospital I never visited before. Scary. We (Judi the MW, Wolfy the Doula, and I) arrived in the ambulance and O'bee followed in the car with our stuff. He actually got there before we did!

They wheeled me in and all of the sudden, my support team was gone. I was being wheeled into an OR (gulp) for examination and 12 or so doctors and nurses are all talking to one another (not me) about me. It was scarily reminiscent of the first C-section and it was freaking me out. "Why am I in an OR?" I demanded between contractions. "I don't want a C-section!" "Where are my people?", I kept asking. Hardly anyone talked to me directly, and kept examining me and talking to one another about what to do to me.

Eventually, Judi got a nurse to give her scrubs and ran into the OR and appeared upside down over my head as I lay on the table. She was invaluable- as she was the only one there I knew and trusted. She ran interference and translated for me. Thanks heavens for Judi.

Luckily, they decided to fully examine me before cutting me open. They learned that I had dilated to 9+ cm during the short time between Judi's exam at 2:30 and then. I had successfully willed myself to open open open! I was happy when Judi told me I had a window of time to try and push myself, before they opted for a C-section. "Make these contractions count", she said.

So push I did. Holy fuck, did I push. I had three more contractions in which to push the baby out and I have never felt anything like that in my life. Nothing in birth class or in reading books prepared me in earnest for what it felt like or the extreme nature of my situation. Judi was amazing at helping me keep my focus and directing my pushes and breath out my ass, not through screams and moans from my mouth.

It was around this time that O'bee also appeared in the OR- he got there to witness the actual birth and see me split apart to bring our son into the world. I was too dazed to register him at the time verbally, but I remember thinking, "he wasn't here just a minute ago..." I was glad he was able to get in- not just to see what birth is like, but now he would be able to be with the baby after he was out, since I could not be.

After the second set of pushes, they let me know that they were going to guide the baby out using a vacuum extractor- not much, just a little. After that third round of pushing, he was finally out. I could not believe it. They immediately took him away to examine him and I stayedlying down, and the placenta plopped out of me.

The baby was covered in meconium (prenatal baby poop) and they worried that he had swallowed and inhaled it as well, possibly leading to an infection. They immediately removed him from the OR and passed him through a window where they began suctioning him. O’bee followed the baby to supervise the activities (and make sure they didn’t circumcise, vaccinate, or do other unwanted things to him). I was merely able to view a crowd around the baby and hear his crying while this was going on.

I ended up tearing a bit, so I stayed in the OR (impatiently) while they worked on the baby. As they were wheeling me out to recovery, I asked, “When can I see my baby?” They responded that he was having trouble breathing and he needed oxygen in the NICU. As soon as I was able to not be in bed, I could see him there. ARGH!

Again, my plan was to bond with the baby, skin-to-skin within the first hour of life on the outside, and start to breastfeed. “When will that be? An hour? Two?” They responded that in a few hours they would be happy to wheel me there, but that I had lost a lot of blood and they were making sure it slowed down first for my own sake.

I was taken to a room and my doula was there to help. I stayed there impatiently until we were told that I could see the baby in the NICU. I got into a wheelchair so that I would not gush blood everywhere (gravity is not your friend in this regard post-partum!) and Wolfy wheeled me there.

Rowan looked so small, and was attached to an IV (sugar water, for energy, since he could not feed right away) and monitors for his heartbeat, breathing, and oxygen saturation in his blood, as well as being under a little oxygen dome. He had very little human contact that wasn't poking, prodding, or against his will. I was a little choked up seeing him like that. I stroked his little hands, and got as close as I could to him, hoping that he could focus and see me.

They then told me what the plan was for him- they were gradually cutting back on the amount of oxygen in the mix he was breathing, all the while monitoring his blood saturation. When I vissted, he was on a mix that was 40% oxygen, and regular room air is 21%. Once he was down to 21% and his saturation stayed in the ninetieth percentile, he would not need to be in the NICU anymore. He was also being given several anti-biotics, since the meconium issue reared its ugly head. But after the oxygen was resolved, he could get his anti-biotics without having to stay apart from me.




At about 5:30 AM on Sunday, he was finally wheeled into my room, where he stayed with me for the rest of my hospital stay. I was so happy to be able to hold him and start breastfeeding and bonding. That first night, my doula stayed in the hospital with me, and O'bee stayed at a friend's in SF (I am only allowed one overnight person at a time). When he arrived the next day for visiting hours, he got to see Rowan and do skin-to-skin contact right away.

We were there for 2 days- to ensure both baby and I recovered fully and to be sure the blood cultures of the baby's didn't grow anything funky that needed to be treated. While we were there, we got great tips on breastfeeding from several people- lactation consultants, my MW, and some nurses that really worked out well. By the time I left, my milk was starting to come down and the baby's latch was great.

We got home Monday afternoon and were so grateful to have time to sleep as a new family and slowly acclimate to our new way of life. On Tuesday, I picked up my birds and we started to resume what would become our normal life.

My pain is present but manageable. I don't know exactly how many stitches I ended up having, but I need pain meds to get around right now. Hopefully, they will heal quickly and stop aching soon. The baby is doing great- eating up a storm and we lucked out- he is mellow in temperament and not fussy.

That's good, because I plan on doing PantheaCon again this year, this time with a newborn in tow!

Sula Pearl Switchblade Renfro - 1:43pm - 01/29/10

The Story of Quinn

Our baby was “guest-imated” to arrive on January 17th. Knowing that most first time moms are late, Sarah and I tried to be patient and peaceful as the days passed. But truly, it was hard, especially because by 41 weeks, all the conversations about induction- natural and medical- kicked into full gear. During my 40th & 41st week, we tried everything we could think of or had recommended to us including: acupuncture, chiropractor, massage, every kind of spicy/strange food you can think of, walking, sex, herbs, membrane sweeping and nipple stimulation with a breast pump.

My body did show signs of working on labor- lost mucus plug, “bloody show” and some contraction like feelings. Often it was one or two contractions a day or an hour that seemed promising and then…nothing. Given I was now 41 weeks and 4 days, an induction was scheduled at Kaiser for January 31st when I would be 42 weeks and no longer able to use the birth center. We were both struggling with feeling down about this. However, on Wednesday (January 27th) things started to look up. I began having some contractions at a movie and instead of going away; they stayed through the afternoon and dinner- about every 10-15 minutes.

After dinner (around 8pm), Sarah and I began timing the contractions and found they were about 5-7 minutes apart and fairly intense- enough that I couldn’t talk when they peaked. Sarah called our doula, Britt, and the midwife at the birth center (Judi) to let them know things seemed to be underway. We all agreed that the best plan was to try to sleep as much as we could at that point. We lay down and I could sort of relax between contractions but by 9pm, I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. Part of this was feeling so excited and relieved that things were finally happening. As the night progressed, the contractions intensified and moved closer together. I was also having nausea, diarrhea, and more bloody show. All signs were pointing to labor. By 2am, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and I was working hard (with Sarah’s wonderful support) to get through them. I often used the word “wow” with my breaths as this kept my mouth open, although sounded pretty funny- ie, “wow, wow, wow, wow.” Sarah called Britt to come over around 4am to help both us with more techniques, as things kept getting more intense. Britt was great- she reminded me not just about things to help through each contraction (like “meeting each surge with a breath”) but also helped me focus on letting go and relaxing between contractions. Britt also had Sarah sleep for a bit while she sat with me in the bathroom.

However, not long after Britt arrived, things started to change. The contractions slowed from every 5 to 7 minutes and by 6am or so were10 minutes apart. I apologized to Britt about this which made her laugh and say to me, “Oh yes, because you have so much control over this.” By 7am,with surges 10-15 minutes apart, Britt left, reminding us to rest as much as possible during the day. Both Sarah and I slept on/off for a few hours and then were awake. And so, after thinking we were going into labor Wednesday, we went back to the waiting game. Thursday passed at a snail’s pace with a contraction every 10 to 20 minutes, many of which were only mild/mod intensity. I worried that I would be in this phase for four days and then be induced at Kaiser. Sarah was wonderfully supportive and Britt reminded us through a few phone calls that this was a common/normal pattern for first time moms, but I still cried off/on in frustration and exhaustion because I really couldn’t ever sleep.

At 8pm on Thursday night and with contractions still lingering at 10-15 minutes apart, Judi (the midwife) recommended that I take two benadryl with the goal of sleeping for the night and seeing where things were in the morning. At first we were hesitant, but after talking to Britt who agreed that it was a good idea, we gave into the idea that this was not going to be the night. I took the benadryl and a warm bath and we lay down to sleep around 9pm. By 10pm, I found myself thinking “Wow. This benadryl plan is really not working” as I was having contractions that were feeling closer together and very intense (“WOW”). I told Sarah around 11pm that I couldn’t be in bed as the contractions were too painful and we moved to the bathroom where I sat on the toilet, which felt like the best position. The contractions were very intense now and Sarah started timing and realized that they were between 3-5minutes apart…and then by 12am around 2-3 minutes apart.

Although this probably sounds like clear, obvious labor, we were both still in disbelief given the long wait and the Wednesday night experience. Sarah called Britt and Judi at around 12:15am and let them know we seemed to be in labor but gave a cautious report since we were both still wondering if this was really it or if things might suddenly slow down. Both of them congratulated us and encouraged us to keep it up and call back as necessary. I decided to try the shower around 12:30. The water helped but I felt like the contractions were nearly on top of each other (1-3 minutes apart) and got out after about 20 minutes. After a few more contractions on the toilet, I told Sarah that I needed to try the bed again. As soon as I lay down, I began to feel strong pressure in my rectum with an urge to push. Any hesitation to report my symptoms left Sarah as she remembered Britt telling her to call immediately if I felt an urge to push. Britt commented on our “quick progress,” said she was coming over immediately and told Sarah to have me get on all fours. She also said that I should not push but instead to breathe through these sensations as if I were blowing out birthday candles. I tried this and it helped for a few minutes but soon I felt like my body was taking over and pushing on its own. I turned to Sarah (who described the look on my face as “total panic”) and said, “I can’t stop pushing!” She called Britt back who told her to go wash her hands and put a finger inside me to see if she could feel the head. Sarah stayed very calm with me, even though she and I were both thinking: “Are we about to give birth alone in our house?” I felt Sarah feel inside of me and then quickly pull out. I heard her tell Britt that she had felt the head! Britt told Sarah to get our things together to be ready to go when she arrived. Sarah also called Judi at the birth center to tell her we were coming.

Later, I learned that Judi was skeptical that we needed to come, probably due to the fact she’d only had one phone call up to this point (not long before saying contractions were 3-5 minutes). Sarah basically told her that I was feeling an urge to push and that we were coming no matter what. At about 1:45am Britt arrived and said very calmly, “OK Karyn, we are going to go. Here we go.” I stood up feeling in shock and also totally focused on getting to the birth center. I put on a bathrobe and flip flops on and we were out the door. We walked outside to Britt’s SUV where she had opened the back and had me get on all fours in the back and then had Sarah hold her hand against my butt/vagina to provide some counter pressure to the feeling to push. This helped me feel a bit more in control but admittedly I thought about what it was going to be like to deliver my baby in the back of an SUV!!

We sped through Noe Valley and the Mission and arrived at the birth center. The birth center is located at Capp and 17th, which is not exactly the best block in the city. There were homeless people sleeping on the street, hipsters coming out the bars which had just closed at 2am and there I was standing naked in an open bathrobe and flip flops on Capp St.! Britt turned to me and said, “It’s not the first time they saw titties on Capp Street.” To make things more dramatic, the doorbell of the birth center had been stolen, so we were banging on the door to let Judi know we were there. Judi opened the door, looking very calm and, still very doubtful that I really needed to be there. We went to the exam room and Judi was quickly convinced when she examined me, as she felt the baby’s head and said I was 7cm dilated and “very stretchy.” She went and prepared the birth room, including filling up the birthing tub, which I desperately wanted to be in. She also called the student midwife, Jessica, who we really loved, to tell her it was time to come.

Everyone kept telling me not to push, which was confusing because my body just felt like it pushed on its own every few minutes. While I waited for the birth tub to fill, I was on all fours in the birthing room when I heard everyone start saying, “Cool! Look at that!” Part of my bag of waters was coming out of my vagina and not breaking but instead hanging out of me like a water balloon! Next I got into the birthing tub. Judi told me not to push but also said “Your body is going to do what it is going to do” and that I just shouldn’t help it. So for about an hour I just breathed, made animal noises, and “wow”ed my way through the pushing urge and then focused on relaxation with break. Sarah and Britt were wonderful, especially at helping me to relax, pointing out one part of my body to release (ie, “open and relax your fists”). We had music on at this point (“Hurts So Good” was the first song that came on) and I was feeling relieved that my baby had not been born at our house, in the back of an SUV or on Capp Street.

Finally, at about 3:45am, Jessica (the student midwife who had arrived) told me that it was OK for me to start pushing into the contractions. I was relieved and also felt my total animal instincts release. I let out growls, grunts and all kinds of noises I didn’t know I had in me! After about 45 minutes or an hour, they let me know that they could see about a quarter-sized part of the baby’s head. I was lying back in the birthing tub at this point and Judi suggested that I switch to a squatting position to push. I did this and had 4-5 really hard engaged pushes. Sarah was standing behind me to help me remember not to arch my back when I pushed but instead to curl forward and focus downward. I pushed a few more times and still they could only see about a quarter size portion of head.

I rested and then really pushed, bearing down with everything I had…and all of the sudden started saying “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit” and with that, my water broke and I heard a plop! The baby had literally shot out of me with the water like it was a water slide and somersaulted gracefully into the birthing tub! No one caught her because no one thought she was about to come! Britt called out “There’s the baby!” and Jessica scooped her out of the water and put her on my chest. We all were looking at each other in shock and Sarah and I were saying “What? What?” because it had all happened so fast. At that point, I asked if it was a boy or girl and Judi said, “We don’t even know yet.” So I lifted her away from me a bit and looked at my little girl! I kept saying “I can’t believe you are a girl” because so many people were convinced we were having a boy. Sarah cut the cord a few minutes later and we both held Quinn in the tub.


I can’t really describe the moment in a way that conveys how amazing it was. Both Sarah and I were overcome with pride, joy, love and just amazement at how our little girl had waited so long to enter the world and then arrived in torpedo fashion (just 3 hours after we arrived at the birth center)! We were even more amazed when we learned she was 9lbs and 1oz and 21 and ½ inches long! The experience was totally empowering for me and I spent the next 24 hours feeling like I was high beyond belief despite the fact that I had pretty bad bruising and required 5 sutures because of Quinn’s lightening speed entrance.


The days since the birth have been amazing- we are learning about Quinn every day and I’m learning how to let my body take time to recover. I feel like I really had the birth I wanted and feel so lucky to have the support/guidance of so many amazing people who both helped me prepare well and then engage in the labor/delivery in ways that really worked.

Quinn Adelle - 5:02am - 01/29/10

The Birth of Lakota Nova Kearns

On Monday, January 25th we went to our scheduled non-stress test at San Francisco General Hospital . While the fetal monitoring showed a healthily functioning baby, an ultrasound was not able to pick up enough empty pockets of amniotic fluid. All had an elbow, or some umbilical cord, or placenta in it, so they did not qualify. I had what medical people call an AFI of ZERO. This means that there is technically NO Amniotic Fluid for the baby to be moving around in. The technician sent us up to Labor and Delivery, for more fetal monitoring and another ultrasound. Once again, the AFI registered at zero, and even Judy was unable to convince them to accept the pockets of fluid on the screen. The hospital midwives and doctors recommended that we begin immediate Pitocin induction.

We were reluctant to begin immediately, but we agreed to a membrane sweep (yow-WEE!) and went home to collect ourselves with the promise to return later that night to be admitted for induction. Contractions began to intensify while I was at home, so when we arrived back at the hospital they began with a low dose of Pitocin. When my membranes were swept, my cervix was at 1cm dilated, but very soft. I was still at this stage when I went to bed. Since the point was to get some rest and not begin the full labor right away, the midwives agreed to keep the levels low, and I was able to get some sleep.

Pitocin was increased slowly all day Tuesday, and contractions began to get more intense. By the end of the day I was 3cm dilated and 50% effaced. We started to get excited! Things seemed to be moving! The midwives wanted my labor to continue progressing and we decided to move on to Misoprostol at midnight (Wednesday morning). I spent the day walking around the labor and delivery department, with the hopes that gravity and my movement would keep the labor on track.

After the second dose around evening time, I got into the bathtub for a while and my contractions became even stronger. Jessica (Sage Femme’s rock star student midwife) arrived and was great support to both Corby and me. My water broke sometime during this part of the process, and the nurses and midwives seemed kind of surprised. I got to explain (over and over, actually) that there WAS fluid in my sac after all!

When my cervix was checked again, the midwives had some bad news: I was still at 3cm, and 50% effaced. My cervix was very soft still, but all that hard work I had been going through was not considered “REAL LABOR” by them. This news was VERY DISCOURAGING, and the messenger was not very gentle, either. By now it was 3AM on Thursday, and Corby and I were both exhausted. Jessica helped us to be OK with our next step: an epidural.

I was given a shot of morphine around 4am on Thursday, but by 7am the contractions were back and stronger than ever. I was then given fentanyl so that I could hold still while they inserted the epidural. The anesthesiologists came in with a huge cart and went to work. In no time all the feeling in my legs was gone, and Corby and I were able to sleep. I just had to remember to keep pushing the button to give my epidural more juice. Jessica went home to wait on a progress update. Meanwhile I could rest and prepare my brain for THE PUSH. At around 11:30 PM the midwives checked me again, and now I was FULLY DILATED!!! AND AT STAGE ONE!!! They said I could start pushing when I was ready, they’d be back for me in an hour.

We called Jessica and the next thing I knew she was by my bed wafting in refreshing tangerine. The epidural was turned off and I began to breathe thru the returning contractions. With the fading epidural I could tell I was not feeling their full force. My legs were still quite numb, so Corby and Jessica helped me fold my knees up and gave me their hands to pull while I pushed. The next part was a bit of a blur, “PUSH, Breathe, PUSH, Concentrate, PUSH, Downward, PUSH OOOOOOOooooopening,” were all that were in my mind. My low OOOing turned into songs, and finally a maniacal “HA HAA HAAA HAAA HA HAA HAA!” escaped me as Lakota’s head emerged. Corby said, “I CAN SEE HIS HEAD!” And the next thing I felt was like a bag of tennis balls coming out of me. (thump-thumb-bump-bum) That was his body. Corby laid the baby on my chest (which was actually my stomach because the cord was too short), and the image of his grimacing blue face will be seared in my mind’s eye forever.

He started to cough and breathe, and then cry—not too little and not too much, but stronger and stronger as his lungs unfurled. My baby was crying, my husband was crying, I was crying, it was beautiful!

Corby finished cutting the cord, and then Lakota and I were face to face. Oh WOW that was amazing. The nurse turned off the pump on my Pitocin and flooded me with it after Lakota was out, so that my uterus would continue to contract fully. I guess it worked, because I heard the midwives go, “WOAH!” as my placenta shot out. I tore a bit, too but I didn’t really care. Corby and I were singing Happy Birthday to our beautiful son.— Lakota Nova Kearns born 2:48 AM. He was born 9lbs. 3oz. 21 ¼ inches long, 37 ¼ cm. head. Momma pushed him out in about 45 minutes and 6-7 pushes or so.

The rest of Friday was spent as comfortably as could be expected in a hospital: Corby and I rested for a few hours, and then asked the hospital to prepare to discharge us. SF general usually keeps its newly-delivered mothers and babies at least 24 hours, and preferably 48 hours. We were very eager to get home, since we had no plans to be in the hospital in the first place.

Alas, our freedom was not to be: a nurse examining Lakota believed that she heard a heart murmur, and reported this to a pediatrician. The pediatrician found no heart murmur when she examined our baby, but she was concerned by his rapid breathing. She ordered blood work done, and the results seemed to point to inflammation and a possible infection. There was no way to tell for sure without a blood culture, they said, but it would take two days to see results. If he was not administered antibiotics immediately, he could have a full-blown infection which could prove harder to control.

All plans to be discharged were halted, and we agreed to the procedures in the hopes that we’d be able to leave once he was cleared. We were moved to a new shared room, and Corby could not stay overnight anymore. There was NO WAY we were going to leave our son to go through any IVs, blood draws, or medicine administration alone. So, our brand new family was separated before its first day together was over.

We’ll leave out the stories of all the next blood draws, IVs, fluid pumps and antibiotics for you—they were heart-breaking for mother, father, and baby. The next few days were a blur of new baby bliss, learning to breastfeed, friendly faces bearing healing foods, soups, and love, and waiting for good news. Mommy was discharged and moved into the dorm-style room in the nursery for breastfeeding moms. There were no facilities for fathers, so we spent hours in the windowless waiting room bonding as best as we could.

On Tuesday we pushed hard to for Lakota to be discharged, making calls to our pediatricians to get a second opinion. They were reluctant to counsel us to leave the hospital and stop the course of antibiotics. “WHAT IF the baby really does have an infection?” The only bacteria that had grown in the blood cultures was a skin contaminant, probably picked up when the first culture was taken. Our son was diagnosed with “POSSIBLE SEPSIS”. The doctor finally agreed that we could leave on Friday after Lakota’s 1:30 pm antibiotics.

This was the news we had been waiting for! We put our heads down and powered through the next few days. Esther’s mother arrived from Hong Kong with a fresh attitude, and by noon on Friday we were packed and ready to go. At 3pm Lakota was feeling the breeze on his face for the first time. He didn’t like it very much, but we were FREE!

When all was said and done with, we had spent a total of 10 days and 11 nights in the hospital. Four of those nights were spent in labor, and the next seven were long, stressful, and possibly unnecessary. In my perfect world, I would have given birth to Lakota at the Sage Femme Birth Center, and then gone home and spent the next two weeks in bed, blissed-out with my husband and falling in love with my son.

In this perfect world, however, our brand new family was challenged in ways that I could have never foreseen, and we are stronger for having experienced it. This wasn’t our ideal birth, but we were cared for by very capable hands, and found compassion and caring in places that we weren’t looking. The love, kindness and support from family, friends, and even strangers brought us through some dark times. The word “grateful” does not even begin to describe how we feel. THANK YOU.

Lakota Nova - 2:48am - 01/29/10

Jaesun Kiran - 5:20am - 01/25/10