by Rhea St. Julien
This is the story of the birth of Olive Rose, which was a harrowing experience of love, determination, and God’s great grace and mercy. The day before contractions started, Tuesday Sept 14th, I went to acupuncture at Sage Femme, and then to Dudley's Fusion Rhythms dance class at the Women’s Building. While dancing I felt immense power in my body, and very certain that this was my last class! I felt the baby was coming soon. The next morning, Wednesday Sept 15th, I woke at 7:30am with a painful contraction and felt a spurt of something -- I went to the bathroom and my underwear was totally wet with clear, odorless water, so I figured my waters broke. I also had some bloody show. Contractions continued throughout the day, and trickles here and there continued as well. Suzanne came over and held points for me, and we read Rilke & Rumi through the contractions. Around 6pm my midwife called and wanted Joel & I to come to the Birth Center to be sure that it was indeed amniotic fluid, because if it was we were on a time clock, but if not we could chill and see what happened. So we went in and Judi did tests to see if I’d really broken my waters, and found that I had not. We were discouraged b/c since having our “false alarm” 2 weeks ago, we were excited to know we were definitely in labor, and now we were back to the not knowing. We went home, had a glass of wine and watched a silly movie. I tried to sleep but the contractions were getting really painful and close together. They went on for several hours with Joel timing them before he said “I think this is still really early labor, since they are not necessarily progressing, and you just need to go to sleep.” Easier said than done, but somehow I managed it, and slept for 4 hours or so. When I woke up the contractions were still occurring, but less frequently. Our midwife told me to sleep, but it seemed impossible. On Thursday Joel went to work, as we were just not sure how long this would all last and he has very little paid time off for the baby. Suzanne came again (this woman should be sainted) and held points so that I could get some rest. At 4pm we went to the birthing center -- Julia checked me and I was 1 centimeter dilated! We were really encouraged that at least the contractions were producing some opening. Joel Tarman brought us Indian food for dinner and we watched Tommy Boy while I did some squats to move the baby’s head down. I got a bit more sleep that night -- was still woken up many times with painful contractions but woke more rested than the day before. However, I started to feel discouraged b/c the pain was still there but did not seem to be progressing at all, and I saw no end in sight to this extremely long early labor. On Friday I rested, then went to lunch with Suzanne, my helpful companion while Joel was at work again. That night the contractions picked up again and I started to despair about how long this prodromal labor -- which my midwife calls “Pregatory” would continue. I had a good cry which I think helped me let go into it. I woke up at 1am on Saturday with steady, increasingly intense contractions, and this was the beginning of real early labor, rather than the pre-labor I had been experiencing for 3 days prior. At 6:30am we met my doula Lisa, our friend Amanda, and two of the midwives, Julia & Sasha at Sage Femme. Julia checked me and I was 3-4 inches dilated. I was encouraged by this and headed home to continue early labor. Lisa & Amanda helped me while Joel got some rest. We listened to old Beatles records and they got me to eat and try to rest between contractions. Things got more and more intense and around 2:30pm we headed back to the birth center -- I walked the 2 1/2 blocks there, stopping for contractions. Julia checked me, and I was 5 centimeters, so I could stay. My focus now was on encouraging my cervix to fully dilate so I could push. The pressure was tremendous, and all my ideas about what natural childbirth would be like were quickly abolished. I guess I thought the point would be to make me as comfortable as possible, to follow my body’s urges and bear the pain. I did not realize that what I really needed to do was go right toward the pain, almost all the time, to get the contractions to be more and more effective at opening me. The midwives were getting me in the least comfortable positions for me, to intensify the contractions more and more. This was, to say the least, very very challenging. I laid in the tub in these positions, yelling “OPEN” over and over again, in a deep low voice as if I were a wizard! Things were still progressing very slowly. They had me do laps around the birthing center, which was very painful as the pressure of the baby moving down increased. I started to get discouraged and the head midwife Judi told me “You need to get your head around the fact that this is just what it feels like to have a baby. All this pain and pressure is going to get a lot worse, and you have to accept that.” Anyone who has had a baby knows that this was unbearable. I began to doubt my choice to do this naturally, without pain meds. I went through every possible emotion, and with the support of my husband, found a way to access that determination within me to keep going. At this point the midwives realized I was probably dehydrated, and that I couldn’t pee. So they started an IV, and a catheter. These two things really helped. We all started to realize that the change in my attitude was related to being dehydrated and not passing fluids. I started to get really serious about getting into the positions I needed to move the baby down. They feed me grapes, bananas, almonds, and tons of coconut water to get my strength up. Around 11:45pm, I was finally complete at 10 centimeters and ready to push. I had been desperate to do this for ages, as the pressure was so great. Judi taught me how to push by putting her hands exactly on the abdominals I needed to use, and directing my breathing. I pushed in several different positions, with everyone in the room counting for me and cheering me on. Judi started to realize the baby’s head was in a funky position, and put her hands inside me to move the baby’s head during contractions (extra ouch). I had to be catheterized again, which during pushing was extra painful, but moved the baby’s head down dramatically. I had no concept of time but later learned that I pushed for 3 hours! I finally birthed Olive into this world at 2:45am on Sunday September 19th. I was on the birthing stool, with Joel supporting me behind me. When she came up we were so shocked! She was amazingly beautiful and real in our arms! However, her cord was very short and I could only hold her to my belly. Since it was such a short cord, it pulled on my placenta and I hemmoraged. Judi saw right away that Olive wasn’t breathing well, so she cut the cord quickly and took her over to examine her while Julia had me birth the placenta so she could stop the hemmoraging. It turns out that on her way out Olive had ingested meconium, baby’s first poop, which they are not supposed to pass until after birth. Judi pumped a LOT of this out of her, and still she could not get Olive’s breathing to stabilize. I was moved to the bed and Julia massaged my uterus to get it to contract. Judi decided we needed to call 911 for Olive. We figured out what hospital to take her to and the EMTS came. In the meantime I got to hold her for about 10 minutes while we waited for the ambulance. Then, before I knew it, my baby and husband were gone, and I was left there, trying to get well enough as soon as possible to get to them. I got to see the placenta, which was beautiful, and ate two bites of it to get all those good hormones back into my body -- the rest will be made into medicine for me to ingest over time. By 7:30am I was ready, and I got to General to see the baby. The nurse in the NICU was very sweet, and I got to hold the baby skin to skin. We went home to rest briefly, and in the meantime one of our priests from Holy Innocents, Genie, sat with Olive. Then we got a call from Kaiser that they wanted to transfer Olive there because of our insurance. Joel went to General right away and I followed. We were very encouraged to be met there by another priest from our church, Bertie, who prayed over Olive. We figured out the details of the transfer and headed over to Kaiser to meet Olive there. All of this was very confusing and emotional. I was also in very bad shape physically -- by some miracle I didn’t tear but the 3 hours of pushing had taken their toll anyway -- my face was so swollen I was seeing double, and I could only walk a little bit without having to catch my breath. I also had to be very careful about fluids because of all the blood I lost. By the grace of God I found the strength I needed to be in these stressful hospital environments with my baby. At Kaiser, the nurses were also very nice and helpful. Olive’s breathing was better and they let me try to breastfeed her -- up until then they were worried she would aspirate. Once it was clear she was stable at Kaiser, Joel and I went home & slept. I woke up several times to pump to establish milk supply. In the morning we frantically raced over there to be with her again. She continued to do better throughout the day, and they took her off IV fluids. This meant I needed to spend the night in the waiting room so she could breastfeed. Joel went to get the things we needed to sleep in the little couch there. This whole time, our friends & family had been supporting us so much, and continued to. Joel Tarman, Sydney, our church community -- everyone had been so amazing. The following morning we got the news that Olive was okay to go home! Her culture had come back negative -- no more infection. She was taken off the antibotics and prepped to leave. Getting her home was the best experience imaginable. It was the pay-off for the 4 1/2 days of hard natural labor, the chaos and uncertainty after the birth, the difficulty of being in the NICU, all of it was worth it to have our little girl peacefully in our home. We have just been enjoying her presence ever since. In the end, I have no regrets. I am forever grateful to the team of midwives, nurses, and doulas from Sage Femme who helped me birth this baby the way I wanted to, despite all the agony! I am also very grateful to all the doctors and nurses at both hospitals, who helped our little baby get well. I am in awe of my friends, especially Amanda, Joel Tarman, Suzanne, & Sydney, who helped us through this time. And I am of course more in love than ever with my amazing husband, who has been my rock through all of this. He is so beautiful with Olive, and we are so happy to be three. This whole experience has truly taught me that I can do anything, and that when I think I have met my limits, there is always a bit more, as long as I accept help from others, tap into the spiritual realm, and use my breath. I hope that these are lessons I can pass on to my sweet daughter, as she is the one who led me to them in the first place.
Addendum: I had to use those lessons sooner than I could ever have dreamed. Shortly after I wrote this, we were called back to the hospital b/c the blood culture General drew started growing something after 80 hours. They did a bunch of scary tests and we waited... and waited... and waited to see what strain of bacteria was on the culture. In the meantime we were in that extremely stressful environment and baby girl was being pumped full of antibiotics, just in case. After 2 1/2 days of waiting we decided to leave without knowing. Olive seemed so healthy, and staying longer was getting more and more traumatic for all three of us. So, with the doctors' blessing but without their legal say-so, we left the hospital for our blessed home. The next day we went to the pediatrician and baby was still doing great -- already past her birth weight and happy as a clam. We still haven't heard about that blood culture, but we are happy to be waiting for the result -- which is less and less likely to be problematic -- at home instead of in the NICU. It was all very distressing and we are only now coming down from it, enjoying time at home resting up. We had to make some hard decisions, and are truly meaning what it is like to be parents. Joyous, scary, beautiful, difficult, and so, so worth it.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The Birth Story of Alexander (Xander) Rider Buhr
Alexander (Xander) Rider Buhr was born on August 4th (right on his due date)! As Gigi says, “He’s the first Buhr or Ruedebusch to be on time for anything!”
I had my first contraction at 6pm on Sunday evening (August 1st). I had regular contractions through the evening and into the next day and night. To stay and labor at the Sage Femme birth center in San Fran, where we were planning to have the baby, you need to be in active labor (progressively dilating and contractions about 2-3 minutes apart). At one point late on Monday night (about 2am), I was having contractions about 2-3 minutes apart and thought I was in active labor. We went to the birth center at about 3:30am. Serena examined me and determined that I was at about 4.5 cm and 75% effaced. I continued to labor at the birth center for 11.5 hours, but while I was there, my labor pretty much stalled out, and in the early afternoon on Tuesday, Serena (our midwife at Sage Femme) told us we would need to return home until I was in true active labor. I was crushed. At this point, I’d been in labor for about 45 hours, and there was no end in sight. One positive thing was that my Mom had arrived on Tuesday and met us at the birth center toward the end of our stay there, so at least she would be at the birth (unless I was in labor for two more weeks, which at that point seemed totally possible!)
So we drove home, and I continued to labor at home that evening and into the next day. I was able to sleep between contractions, especially in the tub and in the bed that night I slept between every contraction even though they were only 5 minutes apart. Martin would wake up with me and help me get through each contraction. It was getting hard on him too, though, and at a couple of points, as I was moaning as loud as I could through a contraction, Martin just kept on sleeping until I hit him on the arm and yelled at him that “I NEED YOUR HELP THROUGH THIS ONE!” Another time I woke him up to get me some water, and he jumped up, put his hand on my back, and said, “You’re doing great! Just breathe and try to relax!” It was really funny.
On Wednesday morning, August 4th, since I was going to be laboring at home, we decided to have the dogs boarded. I missed them as they were also my labor companions up to that point, but on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, they seemed much more concerned about me and were becoming a distraction. Nikita even bit me a couple of times Tuesday night during particularly intense contractions. By Wednesday morning, my spirits were getting low. I kept waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but instead just kept seeing more and more tunnel (at this point I was about 60 hours into the labor). I mentioned the word “epidural” a few times but wasn’t yet serious about it. I just knew it was the easy way out, and at that point, it was very tempting. I wasn’t sure how much more of the pain I could take, and more importantly, I just had no idea how much longer the labor was going to last. I also recall saying that Xander was going to be an only child unless we adopted and that I was never going through labor again. Cory, Vinh, and Geneva also arrived Wednesday morning and got to the house around 11am. Having Cory there as support lifted my spirits greatly, and all my thoughts of getting an epidural ceased.
Jessica, a student midwife from Sage Femme came over at around 11:30am to give me some emotional support more than anything else. She helped me through contractions in the tub and massaged my back as I lay on the bed. Martin went upstairs to take a nap since I had Jessica, Cory, and my mom to help in the meantime. Jessica had only been at our house for a couple of hours, and I was still having erratic contractions between 4-9 minutes apart, when I felt I needed to go to the bathroom… While sitting on the toilet trying to go to the bathroom, I suddenly started having the uncontrollable urge to push. Cory and Jessica looked at each other, and Jessica asked me, “Are you pushing?” “I can’t stop!” I replied.
My mom went upstairs to wake up Martin from his nap. He had only been napping for about 45 minutes, which shows how quickly things had changed! Gigi said something like, “Martin, you should get up. We might need to go to the birth center.” Martin was so out of it that he replied, “Should I go too?”
Jessica called Serena (my primary midwife) to ask if she could check my progress. She told Jessica to go ahead and check me. Jessica couldn’t feel the cervix at all, so I was completely effaced and dilated. The baby was finally coming! During every contraction from this point, I was pushing. It was such a relief to use the tension of the contraction to my advantage rather than try to relax through it, which I was trying to do up to that point (a nearly impossible task in my opinion). At that point, we didn’t think we had time to get to the birth center or to a hospital, but Judi (who runs the birth center) told Jessica that we needed to call EMS at a minimum. If we had tried to go to the hospital or birth center, I’m pretty sure I would have given birth on the way! Thankfully, Jessica had brought an emergency birth kit with her, and with EMS on standby in our front yard, we had a perfect but unexpected homebirth! At 3:02pm on August 4, 2010, baby Xander was born at our house in Montara, California!
by Kelly Ruedebusch-Buhr
I had my first contraction at 6pm on Sunday evening (August 1st). I had regular contractions through the evening and into the next day and night. To stay and labor at the Sage Femme birth center in San Fran, where we were planning to have the baby, you need to be in active labor (progressively dilating and contractions about 2-3 minutes apart). At one point late on Monday night (about 2am), I was having contractions about 2-3 minutes apart and thought I was in active labor. We went to the birth center at about 3:30am. Serena examined me and determined that I was at about 4.5 cm and 75% effaced. I continued to labor at the birth center for 11.5 hours, but while I was there, my labor pretty much stalled out, and in the early afternoon on Tuesday, Serena (our midwife at Sage Femme) told us we would need to return home until I was in true active labor. I was crushed. At this point, I’d been in labor for about 45 hours, and there was no end in sight. One positive thing was that my Mom had arrived on Tuesday and met us at the birth center toward the end of our stay there, so at least she would be at the birth (unless I was in labor for two more weeks, which at that point seemed totally possible!)
So we drove home, and I continued to labor at home that evening and into the next day. I was able to sleep between contractions, especially in the tub and in the bed that night I slept between every contraction even though they were only 5 minutes apart. Martin would wake up with me and help me get through each contraction. It was getting hard on him too, though, and at a couple of points, as I was moaning as loud as I could through a contraction, Martin just kept on sleeping until I hit him on the arm and yelled at him that “I NEED YOUR HELP THROUGH THIS ONE!” Another time I woke him up to get me some water, and he jumped up, put his hand on my back, and said, “You’re doing great! Just breathe and try to relax!” It was really funny.
On Wednesday morning, August 4th, since I was going to be laboring at home, we decided to have the dogs boarded. I missed them as they were also my labor companions up to that point, but on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, they seemed much more concerned about me and were becoming a distraction. Nikita even bit me a couple of times Tuesday night during particularly intense contractions. By Wednesday morning, my spirits were getting low. I kept waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but instead just kept seeing more and more tunnel (at this point I was about 60 hours into the labor). I mentioned the word “epidural” a few times but wasn’t yet serious about it. I just knew it was the easy way out, and at that point, it was very tempting. I wasn’t sure how much more of the pain I could take, and more importantly, I just had no idea how much longer the labor was going to last. I also recall saying that Xander was going to be an only child unless we adopted and that I was never going through labor again. Cory, Vinh, and Geneva also arrived Wednesday morning and got to the house around 11am. Having Cory there as support lifted my spirits greatly, and all my thoughts of getting an epidural ceased.
Jessica, a student midwife from Sage Femme came over at around 11:30am to give me some emotional support more than anything else. She helped me through contractions in the tub and massaged my back as I lay on the bed. Martin went upstairs to take a nap since I had Jessica, Cory, and my mom to help in the meantime. Jessica had only been at our house for a couple of hours, and I was still having erratic contractions between 4-9 minutes apart, when I felt I needed to go to the bathroom… While sitting on the toilet trying to go to the bathroom, I suddenly started having the uncontrollable urge to push. Cory and Jessica looked at each other, and Jessica asked me, “Are you pushing?” “I can’t stop!” I replied.
My mom went upstairs to wake up Martin from his nap. He had only been napping for about 45 minutes, which shows how quickly things had changed! Gigi said something like, “Martin, you should get up. We might need to go to the birth center.” Martin was so out of it that he replied, “Should I go too?”
Jessica called Serena (my primary midwife) to ask if she could check my progress. She told Jessica to go ahead and check me. Jessica couldn’t feel the cervix at all, so I was completely effaced and dilated. The baby was finally coming! During every contraction from this point, I was pushing. It was such a relief to use the tension of the contraction to my advantage rather than try to relax through it, which I was trying to do up to that point (a nearly impossible task in my opinion). At that point, we didn’t think we had time to get to the birth center or to a hospital, but Judi (who runs the birth center) told Jessica that we needed to call EMS at a minimum. If we had tried to go to the hospital or birth center, I’m pretty sure I would have given birth on the way! Thankfully, Jessica had brought an emergency birth kit with her, and with EMS on standby in our front yard, we had a perfect but unexpected homebirth! At 3:02pm on August 4, 2010, baby Xander was born at our house in Montara, California!
by Kelly Ruedebusch-Buhr
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Chloe Maia's Birth Story
Following my 39 week prenatal appointment on Tuesday morning, I started having contractions at 1am Wednesday morning. I'd been having increasing Braxton Hicks for a couple weeks already so I knew these were different, both because they woke me up with the discomfort and because they encompassed my whole belly, starting from the sides and working their way in. They stayed pretty regular through the night although I was able to doze off in between them. After three hours of this I knew the baby was coming soon so I called my mom on the east coast and told her to get on a plane and get out here quick!
The next day my contractions began to slow down but increase in strength. Tiit and I tried to keep our minds occupied and cleaned the whole apartment. I managed to sleep a little bit on Wednesday night but every time a contraction hit I woke up and had to breathe through it. My mom and sister arrived late Wednesday night, thrilled that they were in time to see my baby’s birth.
Thursday afternoon at around 4 I had a particularly strong contraction and I felt my bag of waters break. It wasn't a huge gush or anything, but I definitely felt the pop! A few hours later my contractions became very long and painful, some lasting over 2 minutes. We called Judi and she suggested that I get on my knees with my butt in the air, like Tabitha taught us in class, because she thought that the prolonged contractions were due to the baby's position and she wanted to encourage her to turn. We tried this but I began to feel increasing pressure, and with the contractions coming every 2-3 minutes we headed into Sage Femme.
This is the part that didn't thrill me. Even with my contractions coming so strong and so close together, Judi had me wait for an hour while she listened to me just go through them before she checked me. When she did check I was 95% effaced but only 3 centimeters dilated. I was sent home at 1:30 in the morning with instructions to rest. As I lay in bed I began to feel a need to push every time a contraction hit. I was pretty scared because I thought I was only 3 centimeters! We called Judi again and headed back to the birth center after only spending an hour and a half at home. When Judi checked me this time she found that I was between 5 and 6 centimeters and during a contraction she was able to stretch me to 7.
Judi told me that sometimes being in the water can dampen the urge to push and she asked if I wanted to try the tub. My answer was an unqualified “yes”! I got right into the birth tub and two contractions later she checked and found that I had only a little lip left to go. I was allowed to start pushing. We had not specifically planned on having a water birth, but once I was in the tub there was NO WAY I was getting out again. I found the tub incredibly comforting and peaceful and Chloe was delivered there at 5:20am Friday morning, only 52(!) hours after my contractions started. Tiit was able to catch Chloe and place her on my belly as her cord was too short to reach all the way up to my chest. She weighed 7lbs 12 oz and was 21 ¾ inches long.
All in all, it was an amazing experience. Tiit was an incredible partner and we really felt that we used the information we learned in the birth class. Jessica, Judi and everyone at Sage Femme were wonderful and I wouldn’t have changed this experience for anything. The three of us went home 5 hours after Chloe was born and we're all doing well.
The next day my contractions began to slow down but increase in strength. Tiit and I tried to keep our minds occupied and cleaned the whole apartment. I managed to sleep a little bit on Wednesday night but every time a contraction hit I woke up and had to breathe through it. My mom and sister arrived late Wednesday night, thrilled that they were in time to see my baby’s birth.
Thursday afternoon at around 4 I had a particularly strong contraction and I felt my bag of waters break. It wasn't a huge gush or anything, but I definitely felt the pop! A few hours later my contractions became very long and painful, some lasting over 2 minutes. We called Judi and she suggested that I get on my knees with my butt in the air, like Tabitha taught us in class, because she thought that the prolonged contractions were due to the baby's position and she wanted to encourage her to turn. We tried this but I began to feel increasing pressure, and with the contractions coming every 2-3 minutes we headed into Sage Femme.
This is the part that didn't thrill me. Even with my contractions coming so strong and so close together, Judi had me wait for an hour while she listened to me just go through them before she checked me. When she did check I was 95% effaced but only 3 centimeters dilated. I was sent home at 1:30 in the morning with instructions to rest. As I lay in bed I began to feel a need to push every time a contraction hit. I was pretty scared because I thought I was only 3 centimeters! We called Judi again and headed back to the birth center after only spending an hour and a half at home. When Judi checked me this time she found that I was between 5 and 6 centimeters and during a contraction she was able to stretch me to 7.
Judi told me that sometimes being in the water can dampen the urge to push and she asked if I wanted to try the tub. My answer was an unqualified “yes”! I got right into the birth tub and two contractions later she checked and found that I had only a little lip left to go. I was allowed to start pushing. We had not specifically planned on having a water birth, but once I was in the tub there was NO WAY I was getting out again. I found the tub incredibly comforting and peaceful and Chloe was delivered there at 5:20am Friday morning, only 52(!) hours after my contractions started. Tiit was able to catch Chloe and place her on my belly as her cord was too short to reach all the way up to my chest. She weighed 7lbs 12 oz and was 21 ¾ inches long.
All in all, it was an amazing experience. Tiit was an incredible partner and we really felt that we used the information we learned in the birth class. Jessica, Judi and everyone at Sage Femme were wonderful and I wouldn’t have changed this experience for anything. The three of us went home 5 hours after Chloe was born and we're all doing well.
Friday, February 12, 2010
JOSEPHINE COLLINS DE BERGERAC!!!
With wonder, wildness and determination, our little Josie danced into the world at 8:18am on Friday February 12th, 2010. She weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces and was 20 inches of pure perfection. We give endless thanks to the beautiful women of Sage Femme Midwifery for their tireless warmth and guidance, as well as to the many other talented people who helped us through the journey.
Love to all!
Brett and Mike
Love to all!
Brett and Mike
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Birth of Esme Rose
On Monday, February 1st (our second set of testing) we had an AFI of 14 (again, confirming Rachel’s “sloshiness”), but when we went in for the 3rd set of testing on Thursday, February 4th (41 weeks and 5 days) the AFI had dropped to 5.5, still within normal range, but a huge drop in just a few days. They did a sterile speculum exam to check to see if the membranes had broken and Rachel was leaking, but that was negative. The hospital wanted us induced then and there fearing that the placenta had stopped working, but we signed out A.M.A., went home and took time to gather our things and thoughts.
We had surrendered our Birth Center birth, but we were more than prepared: we had our well-conceived, meticulously detailed birth plan in hand (on heavy duty card stock, just try to loose that), we had food and drink for several days, so Rachel wouldn’t be forced to eat hospital food only, and Dani could eat from the arsenal, not to mention energy rich foods for labor, we had all our knowledge from our brilliant childbirth educators and all our reading and researching and we had our emotional support base, Anne Marie (our Doula), Judi and most importantly each other.
We settled into our room a little after 8 and were slowly introduced to our medical team. With Judi’s help, we made the decision, against the doctors’ advice, to start Cervidil around 1 AM. We knew one of the draw backs to the Cervidil was that Rachel would have to keep the E.F.M. on as well as have an I.V. line placed. Once again, our girl would have nothing to do with the E.F.M., and our night nurse, who was very kind, had to come and fix it every 20 minutes during the night.
We had a (total) of 16 hours on the Cervidil, enough to efface and soften Rachel’s cervix to the point that we decided to try a 60 CC foley bulb at 11 PM on Friday evening, which dilated her to about 4 cm then fell out after 45 minutes. Rachel had started having regular contractions towards the end of the Cervidil treatment, and we were excited things were on their way! We started Pit at 2 AM on Saturday, February 6th, active labor started almost immediately. Rachel’s body was so ready for this labor to happen that we ended up calling Anne Marie in at 4 AM for her support! Rachel moved along so well that we were fully settled in there around 6AM: there was no question we were in labor!
Rachel was using her Hypnobirthing breathing techniques to their fullest extent and found them to be very helpful with staying calm, focused and relaxed. The contractions were quite sensational at this point and we used the tub, the toilet and the bed as the three main laboring places. We never focused on timing the contractions or paid attention to the time of day: Rachel was so internally focused that she didn’t get even an idea of her surroundings until our girl was about an hour old! Hypnobirthing technique teaches low, hypnotic moaning during each contraction and Rachel used this well—it was a surprise when everyone in the room joined in with each moan, creating a powerful chorus of women welcoming a baby into the world. Sometimes, the contractions would come and Dani would remind Rachel to say “I love you” as a way to open up and greet our baby, a technique recommended by our Doula—Rachel would sing “I love you” and Dani would repeat it and this continued through many of the contractions. It was a good reminder of the reason why we were making conscious decisions about the way we wanted to birth.
We were so lucky to have an incredible labor and delivery nurse, Meghan. Not only did she join in with our coping techniques like the moaning, but she tirelessly held the fetal monitor on our girl so we could move around as much as we wanted! Meghan had approached Dani during the labor to thank her for allowing her to be a part of our Hypnobirthing birth, which gave us a tremendous sense of truly being allowed to labor how we wanted to labor. We had put a sign on the door asking everyone to “please enter quietly, Hypnobirthing in progress”—this was very helpful as Rachel has no memory of being interrupted by anyone entering or exiting the room.
At some point, Rachel felt an intense need to push and was asked the doctor to check on our progress—we were 6 cm dilated! Rachel’s water broke around this time, and it was clear there was meconium staining. The contractions started to slow down in frequency and intensity and Rachel began to feel like this might go on forever and she couldn’t do it any more. She expressed as much to our team, and their support was of primary importance to continue forward. After this small break from contractions, they picked up in intensity and Rachel’s body was pounding down with every one. Around this time the midwives, Serena and Evaly, showed up and we remember Anne Marie announcing to them that she thought we were in transition. Rachel’s body had taken so well to the labor that the Pit had been turned down. Rachel’s back was aching with every contraction and the midwives and doula helped relieve discomfort with body positions and massage—it was not until Dani saw the baby come out face up that we realized Rachel had been having back labor. Not knowing seemed to be really helpful, because it gave Rachel one less thing to talk and think about.
Throughout the labor, Dani’s support with Hypnobirthing techniques was very helpful as well as making sure Rachel had food and drink throughout labor. We had prepared a Hypnobirthing mix (of Hypnobirthing breathing techniques and affirmations) as well as a calming, soothing instrumental mix to listen to during labor—keeping this going was part of Dani’s job, too! The most instrumental support that Dani gave to Rachel was her connection to Rachel’s experience—we cried together, struggled together, enjoyed the respites together. Rachel specifically remembers that Dani was able to say things that she didn’t even know she needed to hear exactly when she needed to hear them. These things were not scripted or practiced, but came from the connection that we share. Sometimes, though, Dani had to say things Rachel didn’t want to hear, but that was important, too—when firm instructions needed to be given. When Rachel felt she wasn’t strong enough, Dani was and that made all the difference.
We used the horse breathing technique to delay pushing as long as Rachel felt like she could, at which point, we asked the doctor to come back for an examination. We had dilated to 9 cm and told to continue not pushing by the doctor. However, when the doctor left the room, Serena took one look at what Rachel was doing instinctually, which was emitting small grunts and allowing her uterus to push the baby down very slowly and told her that what she was doing was perfect; to let her body do the pushing that it needed to do. The Hypnobirthing breathing and visualizations of her cervix being a rose bud that was opening petal by petal were invaluable to us and the technique of “breathing the baby down” was no exception. The doctors were called in for the delivery. Rachel was comfortable lying on her side, with Evaly taking the weight of her top leg, Dani at her side holding her hand and face and talking her through this, and Serena and Anne Marie at her back, massaging and comforting. Rachel’s body really took over and the sensation of allowing the baby to descend naturally was so satisfying that Dani cooed over her smiles and exclamations of “Yessss!”. At this point, the baby had an internal fetal monitor placed on her (something we didn’t want, but realized was necessary), because she was positioned in such a way that the E.F.M. was no longer functional.
The contractions had the top of the baby’s little head bobbing in and out and we could see about 1 cm of her head when our girl’s heartbeat descended with contractions and rebounded after each one, except the last: we were told we had to get the baby out NOW. Everyone told us to push and Rachel said “I already am!” to which Dani replied, “No, honey, PURPLE PUSHING” which turned out to be the magic words—there was no question what that meant! The entire team flung Rachel on her back with Evaly and Serena bearing their shoulders into her feet. Rachel pushed once, took a deep breath, pushed again—Esme Rose had her head out! Rachel was frantically told she needed to push more and she said she couldn’t, but everyone said she had to. One more push and Esme came out, pink and vital, eyes wide open, with no signs of distress. Three pushes and 90 seconds and she was out at 4:23 PM on Saturday, February 6th, 2010! We had been in active labor for 14 hours, something which we only realized afterwards, of course.
We were told that they needed to cut the cord immediately and the pediatric team needed to intubate her (also something we didn’t want, but realized was necessary) because of the meconium present in her fluid—this lasted about 90 seconds, everything was clear! Thankfully she hadn’t breathed any in. Even though we were told this needed to happen, it took both Rachel and Dani some time to realize: Rachel was asking “where’s the baby?” repeatedly and Dani, who was so wrapped up in Rachel’s super-human powers had to be told a few times to “go be with your daughter” while the peds worked her over. She got Apgar scores of 8 and 9, and there was nothing to be concerned about with our 9 lb 6 oz girl. She measured in at 21 ¼ “—she was a very lithe little thing.
We loved sleeping with her that first night in the hospital: she slept the night through after such a tiring day in Ima’s (Dani’s) arms. We woke up at some point, just to spend time in wonder and awe over our newest and best accomplishment and how precious and perfect our girl was. We requested to be released 24 hours after the birth and the team at UCSF was very proactive in making this happen. We never had to chase anyone down to make sure things were getting done, they came to us! We slept in our bed, with our Esme the evening of February 7th.
Although there were things that happened during the birth that were unexpected and were specifically not in our birth plan, we would not change this experience for the world. It was so positive, beautiful, empowering and poignant—we will remember it all our lives as the most perfect birth we could have asked for.
We had surrendered our Birth Center birth, but we were more than prepared: we had our well-conceived, meticulously detailed birth plan in hand (on heavy duty card stock, just try to loose that), we had food and drink for several days, so Rachel wouldn’t be forced to eat hospital food only, and Dani could eat from the arsenal, not to mention energy rich foods for labor, we had all our knowledge from our brilliant childbirth educators and all our reading and researching and we had our emotional support base, Anne Marie (our Doula), Judi and most importantly each other.
We settled into our room a little after 8 and were slowly introduced to our medical team. With Judi’s help, we made the decision, against the doctors’ advice, to start Cervidil around 1 AM. We knew one of the draw backs to the Cervidil was that Rachel would have to keep the E.F.M. on as well as have an I.V. line placed. Once again, our girl would have nothing to do with the E.F.M., and our night nurse, who was very kind, had to come and fix it every 20 minutes during the night.
We had a (total) of 16 hours on the Cervidil, enough to efface and soften Rachel’s cervix to the point that we decided to try a 60 CC foley bulb at 11 PM on Friday evening, which dilated her to about 4 cm then fell out after 45 minutes. Rachel had started having regular contractions towards the end of the Cervidil treatment, and we were excited things were on their way! We started Pit at 2 AM on Saturday, February 6th, active labor started almost immediately. Rachel’s body was so ready for this labor to happen that we ended up calling Anne Marie in at 4 AM for her support! Rachel moved along so well that we were fully settled in there around 6AM: there was no question we were in labor!
Rachel was using her Hypnobirthing breathing techniques to their fullest extent and found them to be very helpful with staying calm, focused and relaxed. The contractions were quite sensational at this point and we used the tub, the toilet and the bed as the three main laboring places. We never focused on timing the contractions or paid attention to the time of day: Rachel was so internally focused that she didn’t get even an idea of her surroundings until our girl was about an hour old! Hypnobirthing technique teaches low, hypnotic moaning during each contraction and Rachel used this well—it was a surprise when everyone in the room joined in with each moan, creating a powerful chorus of women welcoming a baby into the world. Sometimes, the contractions would come and Dani would remind Rachel to say “I love you” as a way to open up and greet our baby, a technique recommended by our Doula—Rachel would sing “I love you” and Dani would repeat it and this continued through many of the contractions. It was a good reminder of the reason why we were making conscious decisions about the way we wanted to birth.
We were so lucky to have an incredible labor and delivery nurse, Meghan. Not only did she join in with our coping techniques like the moaning, but she tirelessly held the fetal monitor on our girl so we could move around as much as we wanted! Meghan had approached Dani during the labor to thank her for allowing her to be a part of our Hypnobirthing birth, which gave us a tremendous sense of truly being allowed to labor how we wanted to labor. We had put a sign on the door asking everyone to “please enter quietly, Hypnobirthing in progress”—this was very helpful as Rachel has no memory of being interrupted by anyone entering or exiting the room.
At some point, Rachel felt an intense need to push and was asked the doctor to check on our progress—we were 6 cm dilated! Rachel’s water broke around this time, and it was clear there was meconium staining. The contractions started to slow down in frequency and intensity and Rachel began to feel like this might go on forever and she couldn’t do it any more. She expressed as much to our team, and their support was of primary importance to continue forward. After this small break from contractions, they picked up in intensity and Rachel’s body was pounding down with every one. Around this time the midwives, Serena and Evaly, showed up and we remember Anne Marie announcing to them that she thought we were in transition. Rachel’s body had taken so well to the labor that the Pit had been turned down. Rachel’s back was aching with every contraction and the midwives and doula helped relieve discomfort with body positions and massage—it was not until Dani saw the baby come out face up that we realized Rachel had been having back labor. Not knowing seemed to be really helpful, because it gave Rachel one less thing to talk and think about.
Throughout the labor, Dani’s support with Hypnobirthing techniques was very helpful as well as making sure Rachel had food and drink throughout labor. We had prepared a Hypnobirthing mix (of Hypnobirthing breathing techniques and affirmations) as well as a calming, soothing instrumental mix to listen to during labor—keeping this going was part of Dani’s job, too! The most instrumental support that Dani gave to Rachel was her connection to Rachel’s experience—we cried together, struggled together, enjoyed the respites together. Rachel specifically remembers that Dani was able to say things that she didn’t even know she needed to hear exactly when she needed to hear them. These things were not scripted or practiced, but came from the connection that we share. Sometimes, though, Dani had to say things Rachel didn’t want to hear, but that was important, too—when firm instructions needed to be given. When Rachel felt she wasn’t strong enough, Dani was and that made all the difference.
We used the horse breathing technique to delay pushing as long as Rachel felt like she could, at which point, we asked the doctor to come back for an examination. We had dilated to 9 cm and told to continue not pushing by the doctor. However, when the doctor left the room, Serena took one look at what Rachel was doing instinctually, which was emitting small grunts and allowing her uterus to push the baby down very slowly and told her that what she was doing was perfect; to let her body do the pushing that it needed to do. The Hypnobirthing breathing and visualizations of her cervix being a rose bud that was opening petal by petal were invaluable to us and the technique of “breathing the baby down” was no exception. The doctors were called in for the delivery. Rachel was comfortable lying on her side, with Evaly taking the weight of her top leg, Dani at her side holding her hand and face and talking her through this, and Serena and Anne Marie at her back, massaging and comforting. Rachel’s body really took over and the sensation of allowing the baby to descend naturally was so satisfying that Dani cooed over her smiles and exclamations of “Yessss!”. At this point, the baby had an internal fetal monitor placed on her (something we didn’t want, but realized was necessary), because she was positioned in such a way that the E.F.M. was no longer functional.
The contractions had the top of the baby’s little head bobbing in and out and we could see about 1 cm of her head when our girl’s heartbeat descended with contractions and rebounded after each one, except the last: we were told we had to get the baby out NOW. Everyone told us to push and Rachel said “I already am!” to which Dani replied, “No, honey, PURPLE PUSHING” which turned out to be the magic words—there was no question what that meant! The entire team flung Rachel on her back with Evaly and Serena bearing their shoulders into her feet. Rachel pushed once, took a deep breath, pushed again—Esme Rose had her head out! Rachel was frantically told she needed to push more and she said she couldn’t, but everyone said she had to. One more push and Esme came out, pink and vital, eyes wide open, with no signs of distress. Three pushes and 90 seconds and she was out at 4:23 PM on Saturday, February 6th, 2010! We had been in active labor for 14 hours, something which we only realized afterwards, of course.
We were told that they needed to cut the cord immediately and the pediatric team needed to intubate her (also something we didn’t want, but realized was necessary) because of the meconium present in her fluid—this lasted about 90 seconds, everything was clear! Thankfully she hadn’t breathed any in. Even though we were told this needed to happen, it took both Rachel and Dani some time to realize: Rachel was asking “where’s the baby?” repeatedly and Dani, who was so wrapped up in Rachel’s super-human powers had to be told a few times to “go be with your daughter” while the peds worked her over. She got Apgar scores of 8 and 9, and there was nothing to be concerned about with our 9 lb 6 oz girl. She measured in at 21 ¼ “—she was a very lithe little thing.
We loved sleeping with her that first night in the hospital: she slept the night through after such a tiring day in Ima’s (Dani’s) arms. We woke up at some point, just to spend time in wonder and awe over our newest and best accomplishment and how precious and perfect our girl was. We requested to be released 24 hours after the birth and the team at UCSF was very proactive in making this happen. We never had to chase anyone down to make sure things were getting done, they came to us! We slept in our bed, with our Esme the evening of February 7th.
Although there were things that happened during the birth that were unexpected and were specifically not in our birth plan, we would not change this experience for the world. It was so positive, beautiful, empowering and poignant—we will remember it all our lives as the most perfect birth we could have asked for.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Rowan Sebastian Aleister Kunning born at 3:41 PM 01/30/10
So Baby Rowan was born on Saturday, January 30th (the full Wolf Moon) at 3:41 PM at SF General Hospital. Nothing about this birth was according to our plan, but it turned OK anyway.
Our plan was to birth in a birthing center in SF (Sage Femme) and if we had an emergency, we would go to UCSF (because of our private insurance). Anyone following my pregnancy knew it was rife with medical "issues" that caused stress but never materialized into actual problems after all. First, at 19 weeks, an ultrasound indicated a "complete placenta previa" meaning I could kiss my VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) goodbye unless it rectified itself. And the doctor assured my midwife that because of the placenta's positioning, it would not fix itself.
So, my partner and I called upon our spiritual community for prayer and magick to move that placenta. We envisioned it moving up and back along with hundreds of others all over the world. We had our second ultrasound about 6 weeks later and lo! Completely out of the way, paving the way for a VBAC!
Then came the "low amniotic fluid" scare. My third ultrasound indicated very few "deep pockets" of AF, which could be a problem that means the placenta isn't doing its job, and could harm the baby. Now, all throughout my pregnancy, it should be noted that my midwife was on me for not staying hydrated enough. My bladder being the size of a walnut and having to get up hourly (I shit you not) to pee (even from a sound sleep) was unbearable after a while. So I was simply not drinking enough. Plus, the last ultrasound indicated that fluid was indeed flowing quite nicely from the placenta and it was healthy. I saw this new extra test as another freaking medically-imposed burden, as the baby was healthy and moving and all my test results were good.
They did the AFI test and said I was low but fine. Since it was low though, they recommended getting at least one more before my due date. I did not follow that advice. I got one after I was a week overdue, as is customary. In fact, the day I went in for the test, I had started laboring, and my contractions were 15 minutes apart during the testing. The labor had been triggered by my MW's pelvic exam the day before, which indicated that my cervix was soft and fully effaced, and I was at 2 cm already.
Shockingly, the AFI test this time indicated NO fluid at all. None. Now this was a problem. I was advised (lobbied hard, actually, by 4 nurses and 2 doctors) to stay at UCSF that day and get an induction right then and there. I was not prepared to do that. I had a million loose ends to clear up before having a baby! My animals needed to go to caregivers, I had student loans to pick up to pay my rent, blah blah blah.
So I checked out "against medical advice" and told them that if my labor had not kicked in by tomorrow naturally, I would come back for the induction they were so trigger-happy for. Sigh. An induced labor in a hospital was looking more and more likely, and one intervention often leads to another, causing a cascade of treatments ending in C-section. I was nervous about that.
Back at home, after a day of errand running, the contractions stepped up quite a bit. At 3 AM, they were more painful than the prodromal labor I had experienced the week before (I had 4 days of "early labor" that never progressed the week before). And these newer, more painful contractions got much closer together.
Still, my MW was unconvinced over the phone that I should come into the birth center. Since I had never labored before in actuality (my previous C-section followed a several hour induction that did not work- I never dilated at all), this birth was going to be more like a first birth- and could be days at this level of labor. I was probably better off going to the hospital, she indicated- getting pitocin to get a baby out that may be in danger. I was crushed. I wanted a chance to labor in a non pathology environment, ya know?
Judi, my MW could tell I was upset by this pronouncement. After a few minutes, she called back and said- "How about you come in to the birth center around 2 PM, and I'll examine you. If you are far enough along, we can try to birth at Sage Femme- but we really do need the labor to begin in earnest today- for the baby's sake. No amniotic fluid is dangerous. If you are not progressed, you can head over to UCSF."
I was thrilled just to get the chance. I knew (don't ask me how- I just did) that I would be dilated to at least 4 cm when she examined me. In fact, I was at 5 cm. Now Judi was prepared to take the labor seriously! She started to monitor the baby during contractions and was immediately dismayed. His heartbeat was dropping way too low (70 BPM) during contractions to be safe for him. He needed out of me, and fast! An ambulance was called, sending me into a hospital panic.
The paramedics insisted that I go to SF General instead of UCSF, as it was closer, and this was a real emergency. So I wound up in a hospital I never visited before. Scary. We (Judi the MW, Wolfy the Doula, and I) arrived in the ambulance and O'bee followed in the car with our stuff. He actually got there before we did!
They wheeled me in and all of the sudden, my support team was gone. I was being wheeled into an OR (gulp) for examination and 12 or so doctors and nurses are all talking to one another (not me) about me. It was scarily reminiscent of the first C-section and it was freaking me out. "Why am I in an OR?" I demanded between contractions. "I don't want a C-section!" "Where are my people?", I kept asking. Hardly anyone talked to me directly, and kept examining me and talking to one another about what to do to me.
Eventually, Judi got a nurse to give her scrubs and ran into the OR and appeared upside down over my head as I lay on the table. She was invaluable- as she was the only one there I knew and trusted. She ran interference and translated for me. Thanks heavens for Judi.
Luckily, they decided to fully examine me before cutting me open. They learned that I had dilated to 9+ cm during the short time between Judi's exam at 2:30 and then. I had successfully willed myself to open open open! I was happy when Judi told me I had a window of time to try and push myself, before they opted for a C-section. "Make these contractions count", she said.
So push I did. Holy fuck, did I push. I had three more contractions in which to push the baby out and I have never felt anything like that in my life. Nothing in birth class or in reading books prepared me in earnest for what it felt like or the extreme nature of my situation. Judi was amazing at helping me keep my focus and directing my pushes and breath out my ass, not through screams and moans from my mouth.
It was around this time that O'bee also appeared in the OR- he got there to witness the actual birth and see me split apart to bring our son into the world. I was too dazed to register him at the time verbally, but I remember thinking, "he wasn't here just a minute ago..." I was glad he was able to get in- not just to see what birth is like, but now he would be able to be with the baby after he was out, since I could not be.
After the second set of pushes, they let me know that they were going to guide the baby out using a vacuum extractor- not much, just a little. After that third round of pushing, he was finally out. I could not believe it. They immediately took him away to examine him and I stayedlying down, and the placenta plopped out of me.
The baby was covered in meconium (prenatal baby poop) and they worried that he had swallowed and inhaled it as well, possibly leading to an infection. They immediately removed him from the OR and passed him through a window where they began suctioning him. O’bee followed the baby to supervise the activities (and make sure they didn’t circumcise, vaccinate, or do other unwanted things to him). I was merely able to view a crowd around the baby and hear his crying while this was going on.
I ended up tearing a bit, so I stayed in the OR (impatiently) while they worked on the baby. As they were wheeling me out to recovery, I asked, “When can I see my baby?” They responded that he was having trouble breathing and he needed oxygen in the NICU. As soon as I was able to not be in bed, I could see him there. ARGH!
Again, my plan was to bond with the baby, skin-to-skin within the first hour of life on the outside, and start to breastfeed. “When will that be? An hour? Two?” They responded that in a few hours they would be happy to wheel me there, but that I had lost a lot of blood and they were making sure it slowed down first for my own sake.
I was taken to a room and my doula was there to help. I stayed there impatiently until we were told that I could see the baby in the NICU. I got into a wheelchair so that I would not gush blood everywhere (gravity is not your friend in this regard post-partum!) and Wolfy wheeled me there.
Rowan looked so small, and was attached to an IV (sugar water, for energy, since he could not feed right away) and monitors for his heartbeat, breathing, and oxygen saturation in his blood, as well as being under a little oxygen dome. He had very little human contact that wasn't poking, prodding, or against his will. I was a little choked up seeing him like that. I stroked his little hands, and got as close as I could to him, hoping that he could focus and see me.
They then told me what the plan was for him- they were gradually cutting back on the amount of oxygen in the mix he was breathing, all the while monitoring his blood saturation. When I vissted, he was on a mix that was 40% oxygen, and regular room air is 21%. Once he was down to 21% and his saturation stayed in the ninetieth percentile, he would not need to be in the NICU anymore. He was also being given several anti-biotics, since the meconium issue reared its ugly head. But after the oxygen was resolved, he could get his anti-biotics without having to stay apart from me.
At about 5:30 AM on Sunday, he was finally wheeled into my room, where he stayed with me for the rest of my hospital stay. I was so happy to be able to hold him and start breastfeeding and bonding. That first night, my doula stayed in the hospital with me, and O'bee stayed at a friend's in SF (I am only allowed one overnight person at a time). When he arrived the next day for visiting hours, he got to see Rowan and do skin-to-skin contact right away.
We were there for 2 days- to ensure both baby and I recovered fully and to be sure the blood cultures of the baby's didn't grow anything funky that needed to be treated. While we were there, we got great tips on breastfeeding from several people- lactation consultants, my MW, and some nurses that really worked out well. By the time I left, my milk was starting to come down and the baby's latch was great.
We got home Monday afternoon and were so grateful to have time to sleep as a new family and slowly acclimate to our new way of life. On Tuesday, I picked up my birds and we started to resume what would become our normal life.
My pain is present but manageable. I don't know exactly how many stitches I ended up having, but I need pain meds to get around right now. Hopefully, they will heal quickly and stop aching soon. The baby is doing great- eating up a storm and we lucked out- he is mellow in temperament and not fussy.
That's good, because I plan on doing PantheaCon again this year, this time with a newborn in tow!
Friday, January 29, 2010
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