Following my 39 week prenatal appointment on Tuesday morning, I started having contractions at 1am Wednesday morning. I'd been having increasing Braxton Hicks for a couple weeks already so I knew these were different, both because they woke me up with the discomfort and because they encompassed my whole belly, starting from the sides and working their way in. They stayed pretty regular through the night although I was able to doze off in between them. After three hours of this I knew the baby was coming soon so I called my mom on the east coast and told her to get on a plane and get out here quick!
The next day my contractions began to slow down but increase in strength. Tiit and I tried to keep our minds occupied and cleaned the whole apartment. I managed to sleep a little bit on Wednesday night but every time a contraction hit I woke up and had to breathe through it. My mom and sister arrived late Wednesday night, thrilled that they were in time to see my baby’s birth.
Thursday afternoon at around 4 I had a particularly strong contraction and I felt my bag of waters break. It wasn't a huge gush or anything, but I definitely felt the pop! A few hours later my contractions became very long and painful, some lasting over 2 minutes. We called Judi and she suggested that I get on my knees with my butt in the air, like Tabitha taught us in class, because she thought that the prolonged contractions were due to the baby's position and she wanted to encourage her to turn. We tried this but I began to feel increasing pressure, and with the contractions coming every 2-3 minutes we headed into Sage Femme.
This is the part that didn't thrill me. Even with my contractions coming so strong and so close together, Judi had me wait for an hour while she listened to me just go through them before she checked me. When she did check I was 95% effaced but only 3 centimeters dilated. I was sent home at 1:30 in the morning with instructions to rest. As I lay in bed I began to feel a need to push every time a contraction hit. I was pretty scared because I thought I was only 3 centimeters! We called Judi again and headed back to the birth center after only spending an hour and a half at home. When Judi checked me this time she found that I was between 5 and 6 centimeters and during a contraction she was able to stretch me to 7.
Judi told me that sometimes being in the water can dampen the urge to push and she asked if I wanted to try the tub. My answer was an unqualified “yes”! I got right into the birth tub and two contractions later she checked and found that I had only a little lip left to go. I was allowed to start pushing. We had not specifically planned on having a water birth, but once I was in the tub there was NO WAY I was getting out again. I found the tub incredibly comforting and peaceful and Chloe was delivered there at 5:20am Friday morning, only 52(!) hours after my contractions started. Tiit was able to catch Chloe and place her on my belly as her cord was too short to reach all the way up to my chest. She weighed 7lbs 12 oz and was 21 ¾ inches long.
All in all, it was an amazing experience. Tiit was an incredible partner and we really felt that we used the information we learned in the birth class. Jessica, Judi and everyone at Sage Femme were wonderful and I wouldn’t have changed this experience for anything. The three of us went home 5 hours after Chloe was born and we're all doing well.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
JOSEPHINE COLLINS DE BERGERAC!!!
With wonder, wildness and determination, our little Josie danced into the world at 8:18am on Friday February 12th, 2010. She weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces and was 20 inches of pure perfection. We give endless thanks to the beautiful women of Sage Femme Midwifery for their tireless warmth and guidance, as well as to the many other talented people who helped us through the journey.
Love to all!
Brett and Mike
Love to all!
Brett and Mike
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Birth of Esme Rose
On Monday, February 1st (our second set of testing) we had an AFI of 14 (again, confirming Rachel’s “sloshiness”), but when we went in for the 3rd set of testing on Thursday, February 4th (41 weeks and 5 days) the AFI had dropped to 5.5, still within normal range, but a huge drop in just a few days. They did a sterile speculum exam to check to see if the membranes had broken and Rachel was leaking, but that was negative. The hospital wanted us induced then and there fearing that the placenta had stopped working, but we signed out A.M.A., went home and took time to gather our things and thoughts.
We had surrendered our Birth Center birth, but we were more than prepared: we had our well-conceived, meticulously detailed birth plan in hand (on heavy duty card stock, just try to loose that), we had food and drink for several days, so Rachel wouldn’t be forced to eat hospital food only, and Dani could eat from the arsenal, not to mention energy rich foods for labor, we had all our knowledge from our brilliant childbirth educators and all our reading and researching and we had our emotional support base, Anne Marie (our Doula), Judi and most importantly each other.
We settled into our room a little after 8 and were slowly introduced to our medical team. With Judi’s help, we made the decision, against the doctors’ advice, to start Cervidil around 1 AM. We knew one of the draw backs to the Cervidil was that Rachel would have to keep the E.F.M. on as well as have an I.V. line placed. Once again, our girl would have nothing to do with the E.F.M., and our night nurse, who was very kind, had to come and fix it every 20 minutes during the night.
We had a (total) of 16 hours on the Cervidil, enough to efface and soften Rachel’s cervix to the point that we decided to try a 60 CC foley bulb at 11 PM on Friday evening, which dilated her to about 4 cm then fell out after 45 minutes. Rachel had started having regular contractions towards the end of the Cervidil treatment, and we were excited things were on their way! We started Pit at 2 AM on Saturday, February 6th, active labor started almost immediately. Rachel’s body was so ready for this labor to happen that we ended up calling Anne Marie in at 4 AM for her support! Rachel moved along so well that we were fully settled in there around 6AM: there was no question we were in labor!
Rachel was using her Hypnobirthing breathing techniques to their fullest extent and found them to be very helpful with staying calm, focused and relaxed. The contractions were quite sensational at this point and we used the tub, the toilet and the bed as the three main laboring places. We never focused on timing the contractions or paid attention to the time of day: Rachel was so internally focused that she didn’t get even an idea of her surroundings until our girl was about an hour old! Hypnobirthing technique teaches low, hypnotic moaning during each contraction and Rachel used this well—it was a surprise when everyone in the room joined in with each moan, creating a powerful chorus of women welcoming a baby into the world. Sometimes, the contractions would come and Dani would remind Rachel to say “I love you” as a way to open up and greet our baby, a technique recommended by our Doula—Rachel would sing “I love you” and Dani would repeat it and this continued through many of the contractions. It was a good reminder of the reason why we were making conscious decisions about the way we wanted to birth.
We were so lucky to have an incredible labor and delivery nurse, Meghan. Not only did she join in with our coping techniques like the moaning, but she tirelessly held the fetal monitor on our girl so we could move around as much as we wanted! Meghan had approached Dani during the labor to thank her for allowing her to be a part of our Hypnobirthing birth, which gave us a tremendous sense of truly being allowed to labor how we wanted to labor. We had put a sign on the door asking everyone to “please enter quietly, Hypnobirthing in progress”—this was very helpful as Rachel has no memory of being interrupted by anyone entering or exiting the room.
At some point, Rachel felt an intense need to push and was asked the doctor to check on our progress—we were 6 cm dilated! Rachel’s water broke around this time, and it was clear there was meconium staining. The contractions started to slow down in frequency and intensity and Rachel began to feel like this might go on forever and she couldn’t do it any more. She expressed as much to our team, and their support was of primary importance to continue forward. After this small break from contractions, they picked up in intensity and Rachel’s body was pounding down with every one. Around this time the midwives, Serena and Evaly, showed up and we remember Anne Marie announcing to them that she thought we were in transition. Rachel’s body had taken so well to the labor that the Pit had been turned down. Rachel’s back was aching with every contraction and the midwives and doula helped relieve discomfort with body positions and massage—it was not until Dani saw the baby come out face up that we realized Rachel had been having back labor. Not knowing seemed to be really helpful, because it gave Rachel one less thing to talk and think about.
Throughout the labor, Dani’s support with Hypnobirthing techniques was very helpful as well as making sure Rachel had food and drink throughout labor. We had prepared a Hypnobirthing mix (of Hypnobirthing breathing techniques and affirmations) as well as a calming, soothing instrumental mix to listen to during labor—keeping this going was part of Dani’s job, too! The most instrumental support that Dani gave to Rachel was her connection to Rachel’s experience—we cried together, struggled together, enjoyed the respites together. Rachel specifically remembers that Dani was able to say things that she didn’t even know she needed to hear exactly when she needed to hear them. These things were not scripted or practiced, but came from the connection that we share. Sometimes, though, Dani had to say things Rachel didn’t want to hear, but that was important, too—when firm instructions needed to be given. When Rachel felt she wasn’t strong enough, Dani was and that made all the difference.
We used the horse breathing technique to delay pushing as long as Rachel felt like she could, at which point, we asked the doctor to come back for an examination. We had dilated to 9 cm and told to continue not pushing by the doctor. However, when the doctor left the room, Serena took one look at what Rachel was doing instinctually, which was emitting small grunts and allowing her uterus to push the baby down very slowly and told her that what she was doing was perfect; to let her body do the pushing that it needed to do. The Hypnobirthing breathing and visualizations of her cervix being a rose bud that was opening petal by petal were invaluable to us and the technique of “breathing the baby down” was no exception. The doctors were called in for the delivery. Rachel was comfortable lying on her side, with Evaly taking the weight of her top leg, Dani at her side holding her hand and face and talking her through this, and Serena and Anne Marie at her back, massaging and comforting. Rachel’s body really took over and the sensation of allowing the baby to descend naturally was so satisfying that Dani cooed over her smiles and exclamations of “Yessss!”. At this point, the baby had an internal fetal monitor placed on her (something we didn’t want, but realized was necessary), because she was positioned in such a way that the E.F.M. was no longer functional.
The contractions had the top of the baby’s little head bobbing in and out and we could see about 1 cm of her head when our girl’s heartbeat descended with contractions and rebounded after each one, except the last: we were told we had to get the baby out NOW. Everyone told us to push and Rachel said “I already am!” to which Dani replied, “No, honey, PURPLE PUSHING” which turned out to be the magic words—there was no question what that meant! The entire team flung Rachel on her back with Evaly and Serena bearing their shoulders into her feet. Rachel pushed once, took a deep breath, pushed again—Esme Rose had her head out! Rachel was frantically told she needed to push more and she said she couldn’t, but everyone said she had to. One more push and Esme came out, pink and vital, eyes wide open, with no signs of distress. Three pushes and 90 seconds and she was out at 4:23 PM on Saturday, February 6th, 2010! We had been in active labor for 14 hours, something which we only realized afterwards, of course.
We were told that they needed to cut the cord immediately and the pediatric team needed to intubate her (also something we didn’t want, but realized was necessary) because of the meconium present in her fluid—this lasted about 90 seconds, everything was clear! Thankfully she hadn’t breathed any in. Even though we were told this needed to happen, it took both Rachel and Dani some time to realize: Rachel was asking “where’s the baby?” repeatedly and Dani, who was so wrapped up in Rachel’s super-human powers had to be told a few times to “go be with your daughter” while the peds worked her over. She got Apgar scores of 8 and 9, and there was nothing to be concerned about with our 9 lb 6 oz girl. She measured in at 21 ¼ “—she was a very lithe little thing.
We loved sleeping with her that first night in the hospital: she slept the night through after such a tiring day in Ima’s (Dani’s) arms. We woke up at some point, just to spend time in wonder and awe over our newest and best accomplishment and how precious and perfect our girl was. We requested to be released 24 hours after the birth and the team at UCSF was very proactive in making this happen. We never had to chase anyone down to make sure things were getting done, they came to us! We slept in our bed, with our Esme the evening of February 7th.
Although there were things that happened during the birth that were unexpected and were specifically not in our birth plan, we would not change this experience for the world. It was so positive, beautiful, empowering and poignant—we will remember it all our lives as the most perfect birth we could have asked for.
We had surrendered our Birth Center birth, but we were more than prepared: we had our well-conceived, meticulously detailed birth plan in hand (on heavy duty card stock, just try to loose that), we had food and drink for several days, so Rachel wouldn’t be forced to eat hospital food only, and Dani could eat from the arsenal, not to mention energy rich foods for labor, we had all our knowledge from our brilliant childbirth educators and all our reading and researching and we had our emotional support base, Anne Marie (our Doula), Judi and most importantly each other.
We settled into our room a little after 8 and were slowly introduced to our medical team. With Judi’s help, we made the decision, against the doctors’ advice, to start Cervidil around 1 AM. We knew one of the draw backs to the Cervidil was that Rachel would have to keep the E.F.M. on as well as have an I.V. line placed. Once again, our girl would have nothing to do with the E.F.M., and our night nurse, who was very kind, had to come and fix it every 20 minutes during the night.
We had a (total) of 16 hours on the Cervidil, enough to efface and soften Rachel’s cervix to the point that we decided to try a 60 CC foley bulb at 11 PM on Friday evening, which dilated her to about 4 cm then fell out after 45 minutes. Rachel had started having regular contractions towards the end of the Cervidil treatment, and we were excited things were on their way! We started Pit at 2 AM on Saturday, February 6th, active labor started almost immediately. Rachel’s body was so ready for this labor to happen that we ended up calling Anne Marie in at 4 AM for her support! Rachel moved along so well that we were fully settled in there around 6AM: there was no question we were in labor!
Rachel was using her Hypnobirthing breathing techniques to their fullest extent and found them to be very helpful with staying calm, focused and relaxed. The contractions were quite sensational at this point and we used the tub, the toilet and the bed as the three main laboring places. We never focused on timing the contractions or paid attention to the time of day: Rachel was so internally focused that she didn’t get even an idea of her surroundings until our girl was about an hour old! Hypnobirthing technique teaches low, hypnotic moaning during each contraction and Rachel used this well—it was a surprise when everyone in the room joined in with each moan, creating a powerful chorus of women welcoming a baby into the world. Sometimes, the contractions would come and Dani would remind Rachel to say “I love you” as a way to open up and greet our baby, a technique recommended by our Doula—Rachel would sing “I love you” and Dani would repeat it and this continued through many of the contractions. It was a good reminder of the reason why we were making conscious decisions about the way we wanted to birth.
We were so lucky to have an incredible labor and delivery nurse, Meghan. Not only did she join in with our coping techniques like the moaning, but she tirelessly held the fetal monitor on our girl so we could move around as much as we wanted! Meghan had approached Dani during the labor to thank her for allowing her to be a part of our Hypnobirthing birth, which gave us a tremendous sense of truly being allowed to labor how we wanted to labor. We had put a sign on the door asking everyone to “please enter quietly, Hypnobirthing in progress”—this was very helpful as Rachel has no memory of being interrupted by anyone entering or exiting the room.
At some point, Rachel felt an intense need to push and was asked the doctor to check on our progress—we were 6 cm dilated! Rachel’s water broke around this time, and it was clear there was meconium staining. The contractions started to slow down in frequency and intensity and Rachel began to feel like this might go on forever and she couldn’t do it any more. She expressed as much to our team, and their support was of primary importance to continue forward. After this small break from contractions, they picked up in intensity and Rachel’s body was pounding down with every one. Around this time the midwives, Serena and Evaly, showed up and we remember Anne Marie announcing to them that she thought we were in transition. Rachel’s body had taken so well to the labor that the Pit had been turned down. Rachel’s back was aching with every contraction and the midwives and doula helped relieve discomfort with body positions and massage—it was not until Dani saw the baby come out face up that we realized Rachel had been having back labor. Not knowing seemed to be really helpful, because it gave Rachel one less thing to talk and think about.
Throughout the labor, Dani’s support with Hypnobirthing techniques was very helpful as well as making sure Rachel had food and drink throughout labor. We had prepared a Hypnobirthing mix (of Hypnobirthing breathing techniques and affirmations) as well as a calming, soothing instrumental mix to listen to during labor—keeping this going was part of Dani’s job, too! The most instrumental support that Dani gave to Rachel was her connection to Rachel’s experience—we cried together, struggled together, enjoyed the respites together. Rachel specifically remembers that Dani was able to say things that she didn’t even know she needed to hear exactly when she needed to hear them. These things were not scripted or practiced, but came from the connection that we share. Sometimes, though, Dani had to say things Rachel didn’t want to hear, but that was important, too—when firm instructions needed to be given. When Rachel felt she wasn’t strong enough, Dani was and that made all the difference.
We used the horse breathing technique to delay pushing as long as Rachel felt like she could, at which point, we asked the doctor to come back for an examination. We had dilated to 9 cm and told to continue not pushing by the doctor. However, when the doctor left the room, Serena took one look at what Rachel was doing instinctually, which was emitting small grunts and allowing her uterus to push the baby down very slowly and told her that what she was doing was perfect; to let her body do the pushing that it needed to do. The Hypnobirthing breathing and visualizations of her cervix being a rose bud that was opening petal by petal were invaluable to us and the technique of “breathing the baby down” was no exception. The doctors were called in for the delivery. Rachel was comfortable lying on her side, with Evaly taking the weight of her top leg, Dani at her side holding her hand and face and talking her through this, and Serena and Anne Marie at her back, massaging and comforting. Rachel’s body really took over and the sensation of allowing the baby to descend naturally was so satisfying that Dani cooed over her smiles and exclamations of “Yessss!”. At this point, the baby had an internal fetal monitor placed on her (something we didn’t want, but realized was necessary), because she was positioned in such a way that the E.F.M. was no longer functional.
The contractions had the top of the baby’s little head bobbing in and out and we could see about 1 cm of her head when our girl’s heartbeat descended with contractions and rebounded after each one, except the last: we were told we had to get the baby out NOW. Everyone told us to push and Rachel said “I already am!” to which Dani replied, “No, honey, PURPLE PUSHING” which turned out to be the magic words—there was no question what that meant! The entire team flung Rachel on her back with Evaly and Serena bearing their shoulders into her feet. Rachel pushed once, took a deep breath, pushed again—Esme Rose had her head out! Rachel was frantically told she needed to push more and she said she couldn’t, but everyone said she had to. One more push and Esme came out, pink and vital, eyes wide open, with no signs of distress. Three pushes and 90 seconds and she was out at 4:23 PM on Saturday, February 6th, 2010! We had been in active labor for 14 hours, something which we only realized afterwards, of course.
We were told that they needed to cut the cord immediately and the pediatric team needed to intubate her (also something we didn’t want, but realized was necessary) because of the meconium present in her fluid—this lasted about 90 seconds, everything was clear! Thankfully she hadn’t breathed any in. Even though we were told this needed to happen, it took both Rachel and Dani some time to realize: Rachel was asking “where’s the baby?” repeatedly and Dani, who was so wrapped up in Rachel’s super-human powers had to be told a few times to “go be with your daughter” while the peds worked her over. She got Apgar scores of 8 and 9, and there was nothing to be concerned about with our 9 lb 6 oz girl. She measured in at 21 ¼ “—she was a very lithe little thing.
We loved sleeping with her that first night in the hospital: she slept the night through after such a tiring day in Ima’s (Dani’s) arms. We woke up at some point, just to spend time in wonder and awe over our newest and best accomplishment and how precious and perfect our girl was. We requested to be released 24 hours after the birth and the team at UCSF was very proactive in making this happen. We never had to chase anyone down to make sure things were getting done, they came to us! We slept in our bed, with our Esme the evening of February 7th.
Although there were things that happened during the birth that were unexpected and were specifically not in our birth plan, we would not change this experience for the world. It was so positive, beautiful, empowering and poignant—we will remember it all our lives as the most perfect birth we could have asked for.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Rowan Sebastian Aleister Kunning born at 3:41 PM 01/30/10
So Baby Rowan was born on Saturday, January 30th (the full Wolf Moon) at 3:41 PM at SF General Hospital. Nothing about this birth was according to our plan, but it turned OK anyway.
Our plan was to birth in a birthing center in SF (Sage Femme) and if we had an emergency, we would go to UCSF (because of our private insurance). Anyone following my pregnancy knew it was rife with medical "issues" that caused stress but never materialized into actual problems after all. First, at 19 weeks, an ultrasound indicated a "complete placenta previa" meaning I could kiss my VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) goodbye unless it rectified itself. And the doctor assured my midwife that because of the placenta's positioning, it would not fix itself.
So, my partner and I called upon our spiritual community for prayer and magick to move that placenta. We envisioned it moving up and back along with hundreds of others all over the world. We had our second ultrasound about 6 weeks later and lo! Completely out of the way, paving the way for a VBAC!
Then came the "low amniotic fluid" scare. My third ultrasound indicated very few "deep pockets" of AF, which could be a problem that means the placenta isn't doing its job, and could harm the baby. Now, all throughout my pregnancy, it should be noted that my midwife was on me for not staying hydrated enough. My bladder being the size of a walnut and having to get up hourly (I shit you not) to pee (even from a sound sleep) was unbearable after a while. So I was simply not drinking enough. Plus, the last ultrasound indicated that fluid was indeed flowing quite nicely from the placenta and it was healthy. I saw this new extra test as another freaking medically-imposed burden, as the baby was healthy and moving and all my test results were good.
They did the AFI test and said I was low but fine. Since it was low though, they recommended getting at least one more before my due date. I did not follow that advice. I got one after I was a week overdue, as is customary. In fact, the day I went in for the test, I had started laboring, and my contractions were 15 minutes apart during the testing. The labor had been triggered by my MW's pelvic exam the day before, which indicated that my cervix was soft and fully effaced, and I was at 2 cm already.
Shockingly, the AFI test this time indicated NO fluid at all. None. Now this was a problem. I was advised (lobbied hard, actually, by 4 nurses and 2 doctors) to stay at UCSF that day and get an induction right then and there. I was not prepared to do that. I had a million loose ends to clear up before having a baby! My animals needed to go to caregivers, I had student loans to pick up to pay my rent, blah blah blah.
So I checked out "against medical advice" and told them that if my labor had not kicked in by tomorrow naturally, I would come back for the induction they were so trigger-happy for. Sigh. An induced labor in a hospital was looking more and more likely, and one intervention often leads to another, causing a cascade of treatments ending in C-section. I was nervous about that.
Back at home, after a day of errand running, the contractions stepped up quite a bit. At 3 AM, they were more painful than the prodromal labor I had experienced the week before (I had 4 days of "early labor" that never progressed the week before). And these newer, more painful contractions got much closer together.
Still, my MW was unconvinced over the phone that I should come into the birth center. Since I had never labored before in actuality (my previous C-section followed a several hour induction that did not work- I never dilated at all), this birth was going to be more like a first birth- and could be days at this level of labor. I was probably better off going to the hospital, she indicated- getting pitocin to get a baby out that may be in danger. I was crushed. I wanted a chance to labor in a non pathology environment, ya know?
Judi, my MW could tell I was upset by this pronouncement. After a few minutes, she called back and said- "How about you come in to the birth center around 2 PM, and I'll examine you. If you are far enough along, we can try to birth at Sage Femme- but we really do need the labor to begin in earnest today- for the baby's sake. No amniotic fluid is dangerous. If you are not progressed, you can head over to UCSF."
I was thrilled just to get the chance. I knew (don't ask me how- I just did) that I would be dilated to at least 4 cm when she examined me. In fact, I was at 5 cm. Now Judi was prepared to take the labor seriously! She started to monitor the baby during contractions and was immediately dismayed. His heartbeat was dropping way too low (70 BPM) during contractions to be safe for him. He needed out of me, and fast! An ambulance was called, sending me into a hospital panic.
The paramedics insisted that I go to SF General instead of UCSF, as it was closer, and this was a real emergency. So I wound up in a hospital I never visited before. Scary. We (Judi the MW, Wolfy the Doula, and I) arrived in the ambulance and O'bee followed in the car with our stuff. He actually got there before we did!
They wheeled me in and all of the sudden, my support team was gone. I was being wheeled into an OR (gulp) for examination and 12 or so doctors and nurses are all talking to one another (not me) about me. It was scarily reminiscent of the first C-section and it was freaking me out. "Why am I in an OR?" I demanded between contractions. "I don't want a C-section!" "Where are my people?", I kept asking. Hardly anyone talked to me directly, and kept examining me and talking to one another about what to do to me.
Eventually, Judi got a nurse to give her scrubs and ran into the OR and appeared upside down over my head as I lay on the table. She was invaluable- as she was the only one there I knew and trusted. She ran interference and translated for me. Thanks heavens for Judi.
Luckily, they decided to fully examine me before cutting me open. They learned that I had dilated to 9+ cm during the short time between Judi's exam at 2:30 and then. I had successfully willed myself to open open open! I was happy when Judi told me I had a window of time to try and push myself, before they opted for a C-section. "Make these contractions count", she said.
So push I did. Holy fuck, did I push. I had three more contractions in which to push the baby out and I have never felt anything like that in my life. Nothing in birth class or in reading books prepared me in earnest for what it felt like or the extreme nature of my situation. Judi was amazing at helping me keep my focus and directing my pushes and breath out my ass, not through screams and moans from my mouth.
It was around this time that O'bee also appeared in the OR- he got there to witness the actual birth and see me split apart to bring our son into the world. I was too dazed to register him at the time verbally, but I remember thinking, "he wasn't here just a minute ago..." I was glad he was able to get in- not just to see what birth is like, but now he would be able to be with the baby after he was out, since I could not be.
After the second set of pushes, they let me know that they were going to guide the baby out using a vacuum extractor- not much, just a little. After that third round of pushing, he was finally out. I could not believe it. They immediately took him away to examine him and I stayedlying down, and the placenta plopped out of me.
The baby was covered in meconium (prenatal baby poop) and they worried that he had swallowed and inhaled it as well, possibly leading to an infection. They immediately removed him from the OR and passed him through a window where they began suctioning him. O’bee followed the baby to supervise the activities (and make sure they didn’t circumcise, vaccinate, or do other unwanted things to him). I was merely able to view a crowd around the baby and hear his crying while this was going on.
I ended up tearing a bit, so I stayed in the OR (impatiently) while they worked on the baby. As they were wheeling me out to recovery, I asked, “When can I see my baby?” They responded that he was having trouble breathing and he needed oxygen in the NICU. As soon as I was able to not be in bed, I could see him there. ARGH!
Again, my plan was to bond with the baby, skin-to-skin within the first hour of life on the outside, and start to breastfeed. “When will that be? An hour? Two?” They responded that in a few hours they would be happy to wheel me there, but that I had lost a lot of blood and they were making sure it slowed down first for my own sake.
I was taken to a room and my doula was there to help. I stayed there impatiently until we were told that I could see the baby in the NICU. I got into a wheelchair so that I would not gush blood everywhere (gravity is not your friend in this regard post-partum!) and Wolfy wheeled me there.
Rowan looked so small, and was attached to an IV (sugar water, for energy, since he could not feed right away) and monitors for his heartbeat, breathing, and oxygen saturation in his blood, as well as being under a little oxygen dome. He had very little human contact that wasn't poking, prodding, or against his will. I was a little choked up seeing him like that. I stroked his little hands, and got as close as I could to him, hoping that he could focus and see me.
They then told me what the plan was for him- they were gradually cutting back on the amount of oxygen in the mix he was breathing, all the while monitoring his blood saturation. When I vissted, he was on a mix that was 40% oxygen, and regular room air is 21%. Once he was down to 21% and his saturation stayed in the ninetieth percentile, he would not need to be in the NICU anymore. He was also being given several anti-biotics, since the meconium issue reared its ugly head. But after the oxygen was resolved, he could get his anti-biotics without having to stay apart from me.
At about 5:30 AM on Sunday, he was finally wheeled into my room, where he stayed with me for the rest of my hospital stay. I was so happy to be able to hold him and start breastfeeding and bonding. That first night, my doula stayed in the hospital with me, and O'bee stayed at a friend's in SF (I am only allowed one overnight person at a time). When he arrived the next day for visiting hours, he got to see Rowan and do skin-to-skin contact right away.
We were there for 2 days- to ensure both baby and I recovered fully and to be sure the blood cultures of the baby's didn't grow anything funky that needed to be treated. While we were there, we got great tips on breastfeeding from several people- lactation consultants, my MW, and some nurses that really worked out well. By the time I left, my milk was starting to come down and the baby's latch was great.
We got home Monday afternoon and were so grateful to have time to sleep as a new family and slowly acclimate to our new way of life. On Tuesday, I picked up my birds and we started to resume what would become our normal life.
My pain is present but manageable. I don't know exactly how many stitches I ended up having, but I need pain meds to get around right now. Hopefully, they will heal quickly and stop aching soon. The baby is doing great- eating up a storm and we lucked out- he is mellow in temperament and not fussy.
That's good, because I plan on doing PantheaCon again this year, this time with a newborn in tow!
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Story of Quinn
Our baby was “guest-imated” to arrive on January 17th. Knowing that most first time moms are late, Sarah and I tried to be patient and peaceful as the days passed. But truly, it was hard, especially because by 41 weeks, all the conversations about induction- natural and medical- kicked into full gear. During my 40th & 41st week, we tried everything we could think of or had recommended to us including: acupuncture, chiropractor, massage, every kind of spicy/strange food you can think of, walking, sex, herbs, membrane sweeping and nipple stimulation with a breast pump.
My body did show signs of working on labor- lost mucus plug, “bloody show” and some contraction like feelings. Often it was one or two contractions a day or an hour that seemed promising and then…nothing. Given I was now 41 weeks and 4 days, an induction was scheduled at Kaiser for January 31st when I would be 42 weeks and no longer able to use the birth center. We were both struggling with feeling down about this. However, on Wednesday (January 27th) things started to look up. I began having some contractions at a movie and instead of going away; they stayed through the afternoon and dinner- about every 10-15 minutes.
After dinner (around 8pm), Sarah and I began timing the contractions and found they were about 5-7 minutes apart and fairly intense- enough that I couldn’t talk when they peaked. Sarah called our doula, Britt, and the midwife at the birth center (Judi) to let them know things seemed to be underway. We all agreed that the best plan was to try to sleep as much as we could at that point. We lay down and I could sort of relax between contractions but by 9pm, I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. Part of this was feeling so excited and relieved that things were finally happening. As the night progressed, the contractions intensified and moved closer together. I was also having nausea, diarrhea, and more bloody show. All signs were pointing to labor. By 2am, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and I was working hard (with Sarah’s wonderful support) to get through them. I often used the word “wow” with my breaths as this kept my mouth open, although sounded pretty funny- ie, “wow, wow, wow, wow.” Sarah called Britt to come over around 4am to help both us with more techniques, as things kept getting more intense. Britt was great- she reminded me not just about things to help through each contraction (like “meeting each surge with a breath”) but also helped me focus on letting go and relaxing between contractions. Britt also had Sarah sleep for a bit while she sat with me in the bathroom.
However, not long after Britt arrived, things started to change. The contractions slowed from every 5 to 7 minutes and by 6am or so were10 minutes apart. I apologized to Britt about this which made her laugh and say to me, “Oh yes, because you have so much control over this.” By 7am,with surges 10-15 minutes apart, Britt left, reminding us to rest as much as possible during the day. Both Sarah and I slept on/off for a few hours and then were awake. And so, after thinking we were going into labor Wednesday, we went back to the waiting game. Thursday passed at a snail’s pace with a contraction every 10 to 20 minutes, many of which were only mild/mod intensity. I worried that I would be in this phase for four days and then be induced at Kaiser. Sarah was wonderfully supportive and Britt reminded us through a few phone calls that this was a common/normal pattern for first time moms, but I still cried off/on in frustration and exhaustion because I really couldn’t ever sleep.
At 8pm on Thursday night and with contractions still lingering at 10-15 minutes apart, Judi (the midwife) recommended that I take two benadryl with the goal of sleeping for the night and seeing where things were in the morning. At first we were hesitant, but after talking to Britt who agreed that it was a good idea, we gave into the idea that this was not going to be the night. I took the benadryl and a warm bath and we lay down to sleep around 9pm. By 10pm, I found myself thinking “Wow. This benadryl plan is really not working” as I was having contractions that were feeling closer together and very intense (“WOW”). I told Sarah around 11pm that I couldn’t be in bed as the contractions were too painful and we moved to the bathroom where I sat on the toilet, which felt like the best position. The contractions were very intense now and Sarah started timing and realized that they were between 3-5minutes apart…and then by 12am around 2-3 minutes apart.
Although this probably sounds like clear, obvious labor, we were both still in disbelief given the long wait and the Wednesday night experience. Sarah called Britt and Judi at around 12:15am and let them know we seemed to be in labor but gave a cautious report since we were both still wondering if this was really it or if things might suddenly slow down. Both of them congratulated us and encouraged us to keep it up and call back as necessary. I decided to try the shower around 12:30. The water helped but I felt like the contractions were nearly on top of each other (1-3 minutes apart) and got out after about 20 minutes. After a few more contractions on the toilet, I told Sarah that I needed to try the bed again. As soon as I lay down, I began to feel strong pressure in my rectum with an urge to push. Any hesitation to report my symptoms left Sarah as she remembered Britt telling her to call immediately if I felt an urge to push. Britt commented on our “quick progress,” said she was coming over immediately and told Sarah to have me get on all fours. She also said that I should not push but instead to breathe through these sensations as if I were blowing out birthday candles. I tried this and it helped for a few minutes but soon I felt like my body was taking over and pushing on its own. I turned to Sarah (who described the look on my face as “total panic”) and said, “I can’t stop pushing!” She called Britt back who told her to go wash her hands and put a finger inside me to see if she could feel the head. Sarah stayed very calm with me, even though she and I were both thinking: “Are we about to give birth alone in our house?” I felt Sarah feel inside of me and then quickly pull out. I heard her tell Britt that she had felt the head! Britt told Sarah to get our things together to be ready to go when she arrived. Sarah also called Judi at the birth center to tell her we were coming.
Later, I learned that Judi was skeptical that we needed to come, probably due to the fact she’d only had one phone call up to this point (not long before saying contractions were 3-5 minutes). Sarah basically told her that I was feeling an urge to push and that we were coming no matter what. At about 1:45am Britt arrived and said very calmly, “OK Karyn, we are going to go. Here we go.” I stood up feeling in shock and also totally focused on getting to the birth center. I put on a bathrobe and flip flops on and we were out the door. We walked outside to Britt’s SUV where she had opened the back and had me get on all fours in the back and then had Sarah hold her hand against my butt/vagina to provide some counter pressure to the feeling to push. This helped me feel a bit more in control but admittedly I thought about what it was going to be like to deliver my baby in the back of an SUV!!
We sped through Noe Valley and the Mission and arrived at the birth center. The birth center is located at Capp and 17th, which is not exactly the best block in the city. There were homeless people sleeping on the street, hipsters coming out the bars which had just closed at 2am and there I was standing naked in an open bathrobe and flip flops on Capp St.! Britt turned to me and said, “It’s not the first time they saw titties on Capp Street.” To make things more dramatic, the doorbell of the birth center had been stolen, so we were banging on the door to let Judi know we were there. Judi opened the door, looking very calm and, still very doubtful that I really needed to be there. We went to the exam room and Judi was quickly convinced when she examined me, as she felt the baby’s head and said I was 7cm dilated and “very stretchy.” She went and prepared the birth room, including filling up the birthing tub, which I desperately wanted to be in. She also called the student midwife, Jessica, who we really loved, to tell her it was time to come.
Everyone kept telling me not to push, which was confusing because my body just felt like it pushed on its own every few minutes. While I waited for the birth tub to fill, I was on all fours in the birthing room when I heard everyone start saying, “Cool! Look at that!” Part of my bag of waters was coming out of my vagina and not breaking but instead hanging out of me like a water balloon! Next I got into the birthing tub. Judi told me not to push but also said “Your body is going to do what it is going to do” and that I just shouldn’t help it. So for about an hour I just breathed, made animal noises, and “wow”ed my way through the pushing urge and then focused on relaxation with break. Sarah and Britt were wonderful, especially at helping me to relax, pointing out one part of my body to release (ie, “open and relax your fists”). We had music on at this point (“Hurts So Good” was the first song that came on) and I was feeling relieved that my baby had not been born at our house, in the back of an SUV or on Capp Street.
Finally, at about 3:45am, Jessica (the student midwife who had arrived) told me that it was OK for me to start pushing into the contractions. I was relieved and also felt my total animal instincts release. I let out growls, grunts and all kinds of noises I didn’t know I had in me! After about 45 minutes or an hour, they let me know that they could see about a quarter-sized part of the baby’s head. I was lying back in the birthing tub at this point and Judi suggested that I switch to a squatting position to push. I did this and had 4-5 really hard engaged pushes. Sarah was standing behind me to help me remember not to arch my back when I pushed but instead to curl forward and focus downward. I pushed a few more times and still they could only see about a quarter size portion of head.
I rested and then really pushed, bearing down with everything I had…and all of the sudden started saying “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit” and with that, my water broke and I heard a plop! The baby had literally shot out of me with the water like it was a water slide and somersaulted gracefully into the birthing tub! No one caught her because no one thought she was about to come! Britt called out “There’s the baby!” and Jessica scooped her out of the water and put her on my chest. We all were looking at each other in shock and Sarah and I were saying “What? What?” because it had all happened so fast. At that point, I asked if it was a boy or girl and Judi said, “We don’t even know yet.” So I lifted her away from me a bit and looked at my little girl! I kept saying “I can’t believe you are a girl” because so many people were convinced we were having a boy. Sarah cut the cord a few minutes later and we both held Quinn in the tub.
I can’t really describe the moment in a way that conveys how amazing it was. Both Sarah and I were overcome with pride, joy, love and just amazement at how our little girl had waited so long to enter the world and then arrived in torpedo fashion (just 3 hours after we arrived at the birth center)! We were even more amazed when we learned she was 9lbs and 1oz and 21 and ½ inches long! The experience was totally empowering for me and I spent the next 24 hours feeling like I was high beyond belief despite the fact that I had pretty bad bruising and required 5 sutures because of Quinn’s lightening speed entrance.
The days since the birth have been amazing- we are learning about Quinn every day and I’m learning how to let my body take time to recover. I feel like I really had the birth I wanted and feel so lucky to have the support/guidance of so many amazing people who both helped me prepare well and then engage in the labor/delivery in ways that really worked.
My body did show signs of working on labor- lost mucus plug, “bloody show” and some contraction like feelings. Often it was one or two contractions a day or an hour that seemed promising and then…nothing. Given I was now 41 weeks and 4 days, an induction was scheduled at Kaiser for January 31st when I would be 42 weeks and no longer able to use the birth center. We were both struggling with feeling down about this. However, on Wednesday (January 27th) things started to look up. I began having some contractions at a movie and instead of going away; they stayed through the afternoon and dinner- about every 10-15 minutes.
After dinner (around 8pm), Sarah and I began timing the contractions and found they were about 5-7 minutes apart and fairly intense- enough that I couldn’t talk when they peaked. Sarah called our doula, Britt, and the midwife at the birth center (Judi) to let them know things seemed to be underway. We all agreed that the best plan was to try to sleep as much as we could at that point. We lay down and I could sort of relax between contractions but by 9pm, I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. Part of this was feeling so excited and relieved that things were finally happening. As the night progressed, the contractions intensified and moved closer together. I was also having nausea, diarrhea, and more bloody show. All signs were pointing to labor. By 2am, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and I was working hard (with Sarah’s wonderful support) to get through them. I often used the word “wow” with my breaths as this kept my mouth open, although sounded pretty funny- ie, “wow, wow, wow, wow.” Sarah called Britt to come over around 4am to help both us with more techniques, as things kept getting more intense. Britt was great- she reminded me not just about things to help through each contraction (like “meeting each surge with a breath”) but also helped me focus on letting go and relaxing between contractions. Britt also had Sarah sleep for a bit while she sat with me in the bathroom.
However, not long after Britt arrived, things started to change. The contractions slowed from every 5 to 7 minutes and by 6am or so were10 minutes apart. I apologized to Britt about this which made her laugh and say to me, “Oh yes, because you have so much control over this.” By 7am,with surges 10-15 minutes apart, Britt left, reminding us to rest as much as possible during the day. Both Sarah and I slept on/off for a few hours and then were awake. And so, after thinking we were going into labor Wednesday, we went back to the waiting game. Thursday passed at a snail’s pace with a contraction every 10 to 20 minutes, many of which were only mild/mod intensity. I worried that I would be in this phase for four days and then be induced at Kaiser. Sarah was wonderfully supportive and Britt reminded us through a few phone calls that this was a common/normal pattern for first time moms, but I still cried off/on in frustration and exhaustion because I really couldn’t ever sleep.
At 8pm on Thursday night and with contractions still lingering at 10-15 minutes apart, Judi (the midwife) recommended that I take two benadryl with the goal of sleeping for the night and seeing where things were in the morning. At first we were hesitant, but after talking to Britt who agreed that it was a good idea, we gave into the idea that this was not going to be the night. I took the benadryl and a warm bath and we lay down to sleep around 9pm. By 10pm, I found myself thinking “Wow. This benadryl plan is really not working” as I was having contractions that were feeling closer together and very intense (“WOW”). I told Sarah around 11pm that I couldn’t be in bed as the contractions were too painful and we moved to the bathroom where I sat on the toilet, which felt like the best position. The contractions were very intense now and Sarah started timing and realized that they were between 3-5minutes apart…and then by 12am around 2-3 minutes apart.
Although this probably sounds like clear, obvious labor, we were both still in disbelief given the long wait and the Wednesday night experience. Sarah called Britt and Judi at around 12:15am and let them know we seemed to be in labor but gave a cautious report since we were both still wondering if this was really it or if things might suddenly slow down. Both of them congratulated us and encouraged us to keep it up and call back as necessary. I decided to try the shower around 12:30. The water helped but I felt like the contractions were nearly on top of each other (1-3 minutes apart) and got out after about 20 minutes. After a few more contractions on the toilet, I told Sarah that I needed to try the bed again. As soon as I lay down, I began to feel strong pressure in my rectum with an urge to push. Any hesitation to report my symptoms left Sarah as she remembered Britt telling her to call immediately if I felt an urge to push. Britt commented on our “quick progress,” said she was coming over immediately and told Sarah to have me get on all fours. She also said that I should not push but instead to breathe through these sensations as if I were blowing out birthday candles. I tried this and it helped for a few minutes but soon I felt like my body was taking over and pushing on its own. I turned to Sarah (who described the look on my face as “total panic”) and said, “I can’t stop pushing!” She called Britt back who told her to go wash her hands and put a finger inside me to see if she could feel the head. Sarah stayed very calm with me, even though she and I were both thinking: “Are we about to give birth alone in our house?” I felt Sarah feel inside of me and then quickly pull out. I heard her tell Britt that she had felt the head! Britt told Sarah to get our things together to be ready to go when she arrived. Sarah also called Judi at the birth center to tell her we were coming.
Later, I learned that Judi was skeptical that we needed to come, probably due to the fact she’d only had one phone call up to this point (not long before saying contractions were 3-5 minutes). Sarah basically told her that I was feeling an urge to push and that we were coming no matter what. At about 1:45am Britt arrived and said very calmly, “OK Karyn, we are going to go. Here we go.” I stood up feeling in shock and also totally focused on getting to the birth center. I put on a bathrobe and flip flops on and we were out the door. We walked outside to Britt’s SUV where she had opened the back and had me get on all fours in the back and then had Sarah hold her hand against my butt/vagina to provide some counter pressure to the feeling to push. This helped me feel a bit more in control but admittedly I thought about what it was going to be like to deliver my baby in the back of an SUV!!
We sped through Noe Valley and the Mission and arrived at the birth center. The birth center is located at Capp and 17th, which is not exactly the best block in the city. There were homeless people sleeping on the street, hipsters coming out the bars which had just closed at 2am and there I was standing naked in an open bathrobe and flip flops on Capp St.! Britt turned to me and said, “It’s not the first time they saw titties on Capp Street.” To make things more dramatic, the doorbell of the birth center had been stolen, so we were banging on the door to let Judi know we were there. Judi opened the door, looking very calm and, still very doubtful that I really needed to be there. We went to the exam room and Judi was quickly convinced when she examined me, as she felt the baby’s head and said I was 7cm dilated and “very stretchy.” She went and prepared the birth room, including filling up the birthing tub, which I desperately wanted to be in. She also called the student midwife, Jessica, who we really loved, to tell her it was time to come.
Everyone kept telling me not to push, which was confusing because my body just felt like it pushed on its own every few minutes. While I waited for the birth tub to fill, I was on all fours in the birthing room when I heard everyone start saying, “Cool! Look at that!” Part of my bag of waters was coming out of my vagina and not breaking but instead hanging out of me like a water balloon! Next I got into the birthing tub. Judi told me not to push but also said “Your body is going to do what it is going to do” and that I just shouldn’t help it. So for about an hour I just breathed, made animal noises, and “wow”ed my way through the pushing urge and then focused on relaxation with break. Sarah and Britt were wonderful, especially at helping me to relax, pointing out one part of my body to release (ie, “open and relax your fists”). We had music on at this point (“Hurts So Good” was the first song that came on) and I was feeling relieved that my baby had not been born at our house, in the back of an SUV or on Capp Street.
Finally, at about 3:45am, Jessica (the student midwife who had arrived) told me that it was OK for me to start pushing into the contractions. I was relieved and also felt my total animal instincts release. I let out growls, grunts and all kinds of noises I didn’t know I had in me! After about 45 minutes or an hour, they let me know that they could see about a quarter-sized part of the baby’s head. I was lying back in the birthing tub at this point and Judi suggested that I switch to a squatting position to push. I did this and had 4-5 really hard engaged pushes. Sarah was standing behind me to help me remember not to arch my back when I pushed but instead to curl forward and focus downward. I pushed a few more times and still they could only see about a quarter size portion of head.
I rested and then really pushed, bearing down with everything I had…and all of the sudden started saying “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit” and with that, my water broke and I heard a plop! The baby had literally shot out of me with the water like it was a water slide and somersaulted gracefully into the birthing tub! No one caught her because no one thought she was about to come! Britt called out “There’s the baby!” and Jessica scooped her out of the water and put her on my chest. We all were looking at each other in shock and Sarah and I were saying “What? What?” because it had all happened so fast. At that point, I asked if it was a boy or girl and Judi said, “We don’t even know yet.” So I lifted her away from me a bit and looked at my little girl! I kept saying “I can’t believe you are a girl” because so many people were convinced we were having a boy. Sarah cut the cord a few minutes later and we both held Quinn in the tub.
I can’t really describe the moment in a way that conveys how amazing it was. Both Sarah and I were overcome with pride, joy, love and just amazement at how our little girl had waited so long to enter the world and then arrived in torpedo fashion (just 3 hours after we arrived at the birth center)! We were even more amazed when we learned she was 9lbs and 1oz and 21 and ½ inches long! The experience was totally empowering for me and I spent the next 24 hours feeling like I was high beyond belief despite the fact that I had pretty bad bruising and required 5 sutures because of Quinn’s lightening speed entrance.
The days since the birth have been amazing- we are learning about Quinn every day and I’m learning how to let my body take time to recover. I feel like I really had the birth I wanted and feel so lucky to have the support/guidance of so many amazing people who both helped me prepare well and then engage in the labor/delivery in ways that really worked.
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